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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to solve the world's environmental problem is to increase the price of fuel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the effective way to eliminate the environmental problems around the world is to significantly increase
tyhe
Correct your spelling
the
 prices of petrol. Whilst I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because
this
Linking Words
 law can not solve the problem completely and may cause other problems.
Body paragraph 1
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
who
Correct pronoun usage
how
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 rely heavily on cars as
means
Add an article
a means
show examples
 of
transport
Use synonyms
 and
might
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 wealthy nations
continue
Verb problem
will continue
show examples
 to
use
Use synonyms
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
First of all, many
people
Use synonyms
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 and villages
use
Use synonyms
 vehicles as a main
transport
Use synonyms
 from and to cities and other
areas
Use synonyms
, as
consequence
Add an article
a consequence
show examples
 of increasing
prices
Punctuation problem
prices,
show examples
 may not afford that
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 in different rural
Use synonyms
areas
Add a comma
areas,
show examples
 public
transport
Use synonyms
 is not available.
Body paragraph 3
there
Capitalize the word
There
show examples
 are many families
Use synonyms
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
show examples
 that as a daily
transport
Use synonyms
, so by increasing the prices of
fuel
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 that will limit their
use
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,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
people
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 will lose
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 only method
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 other
problme
Correct your spelling
problems
 will start to appear
another
Punctuation problem
. Another
show examples
 way of
transport
Use synonyms
 should be introduced to compensate
the
Change preposition
for
show examples
 car
use
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 4
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, finding another approach to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem can be more effective
Linking Words
due to
Correct word choice
because
show examples
this
Linking Words
 method can cause a major problem
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 unknown
areas
Use synonyms
 that
far
Verb problem
are far
show examples
way
Use the right word
away
show examples
 from cities.
Body paragraph 5
Secondly
Linking Words
, very wealthy nations can continue to
use
Use synonyms
 cars every single
days
Check wording
day
show examples
 even for unnecessary
journies
Correct your spelling
journeys
, which requires
consume
Wrong verb form
consuming
show examples
 a high amount of
fuel
Use synonyms
 and that may increase the carbon emissions.
Body paragraph 6
This
Linking Words
 is
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 for many wealthy countries using
feul
Correct your spelling
fuel
 as a part of daily life, mainly
due to
Linking Words
many
Check wording
the fact that many
show examples
 of them lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advanced public
transport
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 systems.
Body paragraph 7
For example
Linking Words
, if
this
Linking Words
 law
introduced
Verb problem
were introduced
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a rich country, many individuals may find it affordable and will continue to
use
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 it.
Body paragraph 8
All in all, increasing the
fuel
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 can be more effective if
people
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 find
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 public
transport
Use synonyms
 system, and many individuals will be able to afford
this
Linking Words
 because car
use
Use synonyms
 as essential part of their daily life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe
this
Linking Words
increasing
Replace the word
increase in
 petrol
to
Check wording
prices to
show examples
 decrease its
use
Use synonyms
 can be ineffective,
due to
Linking Words
 many families in villages rely on car
use
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 wealthy cities may continue to consume
fuel
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view in a clear way at the start and keep the same view in every part. You disagree, but the last main paragraph says higher fuel prices can be effective. Explain that they may work only with good public transport, or keep the point fully against the idea.
task response
Answer the whole question by saying how far you disagree. Add a stronger reason why higher fuel prices cannot solve all world environmental problems. For example, pollution also comes from factories, power use, and waste.
task response
Develop each main idea more. In the rural-area paragraph, explain why cars are needed, what happens when fuel costs more, and why buses or trains may not be possible there.
task response
Use examples with clear details. Your rich-country example is useful, but it needs more detail. For example, say that rich people may still drive large cars because they can pay the higher cost.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, rural areas, rich people, conclusion. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences clear. For example: "One reason is that people in rural areas often have no choice but to drive." This helps the reader follow your point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words in the right way: "As a result", "However", "For example", and "Therefore". Do not use a semicolon after "therefore".
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about car use and fuel prices. Add new support after each point instead of saying the same thing again.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so links are easy to understand. For example, change "This essay will discuss who people" to "This essay will discuss why people in rural areas rely on cars and why rich people may still drive."
task response
You give a clear overall view that you do not agree with the idea.
task response
You use two relevant main points: the needs of people in rural areas and the ability of rich people to pay more.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as "First of all", "Secondly", "For example", and "In conclusion".
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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