Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that money and appearance are more important.Discuss both views,give your opinion
other side credit property and own views as important factors .
Body paragraph 1
In my opinion , both factories are equal properties for me
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
sometimes it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
to alter for times and places.
Conclusion
There is an ongoing debate about the most effective ways to prevent road accidents. Some people argue that tougher penalties for traffic offences are necessary,
whereas
Linking Words
others believe that education and other less strict measures can achieve better results. I personally think that raising drivers’ awareness is a more effective approach.
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task response
Your essay starts with the right topic, but it then changes to road accidents. Stay with success in life only.
task response
Discuss both sides: hard work and determination, and money and appearance. Explain why people hold each view.
task response
Give your own clear view and support it. For example, say that hard work is more important because it helps people keep going after failure.
task response
Add real or clear examples, such as a student who studies every day or a person who uses money to start a small business.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: introduction, one paragraph for hard work, one paragraph for money and appearance, then your view and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph needs one main idea and more than one sentence to explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'However', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use words that are unclear or do not fit, such as 'factories' when you mean 'factors'. Keep your meaning direct.
task response
You try to show both views and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The first two short parts are about the given topic, and the use of 'whereas' shows an attempt to link two different views.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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