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Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of men and women attending various evening course at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.

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The bar chart below shows the number of men and women attending various evening course at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
The graph illustrates the number of men and
women
Use synonyms
 attending various evening
Use synonyms
course
Check wording
courses
show examples
 at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart illustrates the ages of these
course
Use synonyms
 participants.
This
Linking Words
 report aims to summarise the key trends, significant comparisons and notable changes highlighted in the data.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
women
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 language experienced a marked increase, with the highest value represented in the
women
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 language,
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sculpture
represents
Correct subject-verb agreement
represent
show examples
 the smallest. Another notable change is that the men
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 language and
women
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 drama
, which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 have almost identical numbers over the period.
Initially
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 aged 50 or over accounted for 42%, making it the highest among all
categorise
Replace the word
categories
.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by the
people
Use synonyms
 aged 40-49, which represents approximately 26%, significantly lower than the largest category.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the contribution of
people
Use synonyms
 aged under 20 is relatively insignificant, with a percentage of only 5%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a noticeable trend is that the uniformity between
people
Use synonyms
 aged 30-39 and 20-29,
which
Correct determiner usage
both of which
show examples
 both show almost similar growth patterns.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the data highlighted the number of men and
women
Use synonyms
 attending various evening
Use synonyms
course
Check wording
courses
show examples
 at an adult education centre and the ages of these
course
Use synonyms
 participants, with the most significant features standing out.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words women, course, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
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