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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, it is now possible for people to buy products made in other countries. To what extent do the benefits of this development outweigh the problems?

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Introduction
Recently, in some
nations
Add a comma
nations,
show examples
 it is more accessible for consumers to buy products made in other regions.
While
Linking Words
 the benefit of buying imported
goods
Use synonyms
 from a business owner`s perspective is gaining higher profit, and from a customer perspective is buying whatever they desire, the downside of it can be harming the environment and a delay in the shipping process.
Body paragraph 1
On the positive side, selling
goods
Use synonyms
 around the world will result in higher income for the owner. If a brand has international customers they would definitely gain more popularity and trust that leads to higher profit. Some cities do not have physical stores of popular brands. From a consumer perspective, online delivery allows individuals to purchase
goods
Use synonyms
 that are unavailable locally.
Therefore
Linking Words
, consumers can buy any product they need, even if the country they inhabit does not
own
Verb problem
have
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 a physical shop.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the downside of delivering products from far places outweighs the benefits as it can damage the environment.
For instance
Linking Words
, planes, trains and ships can produce toxic emissions that affect the atmosphere and nature.
In addition
Linking Words
, a delay in delivering imported
goods
Use synonyms
 is very common.
For example
Linking Words
, weather or even political changes can affect the time of their shipment.
As a result
Linking Words
, the level of customer satisfaction might decline.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the benefits of buying products from different countries can increase the financial success of a certain brand, and
fulfilling
Wrong verb form
fulfil
show examples
customers need`s
Check wording
customers' needs
show examples
, the drawbacks outweigh the benefits as the delivery process can damage the environment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the possible delay problems might reduce customer satisfaction.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say from the start that the problems are greater than the good points, then keep this view through the essay.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. Explain why more sales are important for a company, and why choice is important for people. Then explain why air and sea travel can cause harm to the environment.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, say that goods sent by plane may create more air pollution, or that bad weather can stop a ship for days.
task response
Make the main comparison stronger. The essay says the problems are greater, but it does not fully show why environmental harm and late delivery are more serious than profit and customer choice.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, good points, problems, and ending. Keep this clear plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas within paragraphs more carefully. In the first main paragraph, move from business owners to customers with a clearer link, such as: “For customers, there is also a key benefit.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in the ending. Instead, sum up the two sides in fewer words and state clearly why one side is stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear words to show cause and result. You already use “therefore” and “as a result” well. Add links such as “because of this” and “this means that” where needed.
task response
You answer both sides of the question: wider choice and more money on one side, and environmental harm and late delivery on the other.
task response
Your final view is clear: you believe the problems are greater than the benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main focus, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The use of paragraphing and linking words, such as “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “As a result”, helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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