Some people think that health, especially public health, is the responsibility of the government. Others think that people are responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Having good
health
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nowadays is a very difficult task. A healthy lifestyle offers a better life.
However
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, numerous
people
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are not taking care of themselves.
This
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essay will examine both perspectives on whether
health
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is the responsibility of the
government
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or individuals .
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the
government
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has a major role in protecting
people
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's
health
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.
First,
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the
government
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should enforce
health
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rules. Some restaurants are selling bad-quality food.
Therefore
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, food monitoring is extremely important.
Second,
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many
people
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don't get healthcare because of the high expense.
Therefore
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, the
government
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is responsible for providing free or affordable healthcare ,
such
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as building hospitals and offering medical services at a reasonable cost.
Finally
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, awareness campaigns can help improve
people
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's lives.
Moreover
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, the
government
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can implement programs to teach
people
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about mental
health
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.
For example
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, warning labels on tobacco products show
people
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the
health
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risks.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
people
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are
also
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responsible for themselves.
First,
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people
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should build a healthy lifestyle .
For instance
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, eating healthy food and doing exercise can offer them a great quality of life.
Second,
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one of the best decisions they can make is to have a medical check regularly.
Therefore
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, they can protect themselves from any risks.
For example
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, regular checkups help
people
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catch
health
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problems early.
Finally
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,
people
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are
also
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responsible for their families. Parents should teach their children about
health
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and wellness. They should
also
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help them to avoid unhealthy habits.
Conclusion
In conclusion, public
health
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is a big responsibility for both the
government
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and the
people
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. In my opinion, I believe that both must share the burden of creating a safe and healthy society.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, so the main task is fully answered. To make your answer stronger, explain why the two sides must work together. For example, say that the state can give care and rules, but people must choose what they eat, drink, and do each day.
task response
Some ideas need more detail. In the part about people, explain why a health check can stop a small health problem from becoming a big one. In the part about the state, explain how food checks can keep people safe.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, such as labels on tobacco and health checks. Add one more clear, real-life example for each side to make your points more full and more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first the state, then people, and then your final view. Keep this clear plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The use of 'First', 'Second', 'Finally', and 'For example' helps the reader follow your ideas. Try not to use 'Therefore' too often. Use links such as 'As a result', 'Also', or 'In this way' when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences can join more smoothly. For example, after 'Some restaurants are selling bad-quality food', you can add: 'This can make people ill, so food checks are important.' This shows the link between the problem and your point.
coherence and cohesion
Make your own view a little more direct in the last part. State which side has the bigger role, or clearly say that their roles are different but equally important.
task response
You cover both the state role and the personal role, and you give a clear final view that both share the work.
task response
Your points are on-topic: food safety, low-cost care, health messages, good food, exercise, and health checks.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has a clear main idea and several points that support it.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and final parts clearly show the topic and bring the essay to a close.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Public health
  • Government responsibility
  • Individual responsibility
  • Vaccination programs
  • Anti-smoking campaigns
  • Subsidized medical services
  • Healthcare accessibility
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Food safety regulations
  • Pollution control
  • Occupational safety
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Self-education
  • Proactive management
  • Personalized healthcare
  • Comprehensive health system
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