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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie
chrart
Correct your spelling
chart
 provides key information about several dance
sessions
Check wording
session
show examples
 places that young people
attending
Wrong verb form
attend
show examples
 in a city in Australia,
while
Linking Words
 the bar chart illustrates the dance catogaries the number of pupils aged between 11-16 and those who
under
Verb problem
are under
show examples
 11.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the pie chart that Private
studios
Check wording
studios'
show examples
 location
represent
Correct subject-verb agreement
represents
show examples
 almost half among all the places.
In addition
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who are under 11 years old
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
account
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 highest number of
students
Use synonyms
 in Ballet,
whereas
Linking Words
students
Use synonyms
 aged between 11
-
Correct word choice
and
show examples
16 account for a much higher number than those under 11.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, Private
sudios
Correct your spelling
studios
 spot represents the
largast
Correct your spelling
largest
 shares, follow up with School halls location
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
record
Correct subject-verb agreement
records
show examples
 almost a
forth
Use the right word
fourth
show examples
 of the share.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Community halls and college-based studios
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 account for 18% and 10%, respectively. In terms of the types of dance classes, the
numbers
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 under 11 taking Ballet and Tap sessions
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 higher than
those
Fix the agreement mistake
that
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 aged between 11
-
Correct word choice
and
show examples
16, the difference is around 300 and 50
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the majority of
students
Use synonyms
 taking modern classes are aged 11-16, outnumbering those under 11 by almost 250
students
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represent" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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