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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cities, old buildings are being demolished to make way for modern developments. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Many
cities
Use synonyms
 have gradually expanded
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modernisation at the expense of destroying old
buildings
Use synonyms
. I believe that
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 progress has numerous benefits
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as solving housing shortages, the disadvantages of it outweigh them.
Body paragraph 1
on
Capitalize the word
On
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 the one hand, one of the substantial problems of
cities
Use synonyms
, particularly metropolitans is
demand
Add an article
the demand
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 for housing.
Aging
Change the spelling
Ageing
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 properties are mostly one or
two storey
Correct your spelling
two-storey
buildings
Use synonyms
 and can accommodate
maximum
Add an article
a maximum
show examples
three
Change preposition
of three
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 to four families.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 face
raising
Correct word choice
a rising
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 population, families should be placed,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can be handled by demolishing old houses and building
a
Correct article usage
apply
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vertical apartments with numerous flats.
as
Capitalize the proper name
As
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 population growth continues, the urban space will be limited, so more heritage
buildings
Use synonyms
 can be build an more people can own a house.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
on
Capitalize the word
On
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 the other hand, old
buildings
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 are
architectural
Add an article
the architectural
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 heritage of a city that should be preserved. so for saving a city’s historical identity
demolishing
Punctuation problem
, demolishing
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 for building new housing can be a negative development that should be
restrain
Wrong verb form
restrained
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.
by
Capitalize the word
By
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 removing old
buildings
Use synonyms
, the historical and cultural value of the city will be
threaten
Wrong verb form
threatened
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 and
face
Add an article
the face
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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it will be changed step by step till a total remodelling.
Linking Words
as
Capitalize the proper name
As
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 a result, the new generation
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not have an idea about the old face of a city
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the culture of it will be forgotten in the long run.
Conclusion
in
Capitalize the word
In
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 conclusion, governments should strike a balance for demolishing old
buildings
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
although
Capitalize the word
Although
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 building new apartments
instead
Linking Words
 of the old ones can solve the demand for housing, the cultural and historical identity of
cities
Use synonyms
 will be diminished
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 destroying heritage
buildings
Use synonyms
, which can not be overlooked.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your view. However, make your view more direct: say clearly why the harm is greater than the good.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how new homes help people, then explain why the loss of old places is harder to fix.
task response
Add one clear real-life example. For example, an old town area may bring visitors and help young people learn about the city’s past.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-paragraph plan is clear: start, two main parts, and end. Keep using this simple plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with correct capital letters: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Therefore”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Make some links between ideas smoother. For example, after housing needs, say that this gain must be weighed against the loss of a city’s past.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “old buildings” too often. You can also use “historic places”, “old homes”, or “these sites”.
task response
You discuss housing needs and the loss of a city’s past, so your ideas stay close to the question.
task response
Your ending repeats your main view and gives a fair idea: cities should keep a balance.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order, with one main idea in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Therefore” and “As a result” help the reader follow the main line of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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