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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people suggest that when we learn a language, we should also learn the cultures and lifestyles of this country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
The issue of whether the cultures and lifestyles of a country have a connection with learning
it
Correct determiner usage
its
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language
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 has attracted considerable attention in recent years.
While
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 perspectives on
this
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 matter vary, I clearly agree
with
Change preposition
apply
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that
this
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 connection plays a significant role in learning a
differant
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different
language
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.
Therefore
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, it
make
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makes
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 it hard to forget.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, one significant reason is that it makes the journey more enjoyable .
This
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 is largely because it
keep
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keeps
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 you more interested in learning.
Also
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, it helps
memorize
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memorise
show examples
 your learning outcome
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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underscore
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underscores
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 the
substaintial
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substantial
 value of
this
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 method.
For instance
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, an example of
this
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 can be seen in a study conducted on the younger generation that shows a considerable difference between
the ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 who learn
it's
Use the right word
its
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 cultures and lifestyles and
the ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 who
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not. The result was
the
Correct word choice
that the
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persentage
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percentage
 of
the
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apply
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learners with
this
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 method
are
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is
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 more likely to improve easily.
Consequintly
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Consequently
, learning
new
Add an article
a new
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language
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 became more fun, faster and much
wanted
Rephrase
more wanted
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, other individual beleives that it is waist of time. A growing body of evidence suggests that numerous
of student
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students
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 learn new
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language
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languages
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 without
geting
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getting
 involved with
it
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 culture or other deep stuff. An illustration of
this
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 can be seen in
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 generation who have
learn
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learned
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 it without any kind of struggle.
As a result
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, they improve their skills by
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 attention on the beneficial method.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
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 learn countries culture and
lifestayle
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lifestyle
 may be a
waist
Use the right word
waste
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 of time, the analysis above makes it evident that it is one of the most powerful methods to learn a new
language
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. Given all substabtials evidence
presented
Punctuation problem
presented,
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 it is reasonable to
antisipate
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anticipate
 how
this
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 can be a motivation to keep
learn a
Wrong verb form
learning
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 new words and get to know all kinds of accents, behaiviors and
dialect
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dialects
show examples
.

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task response
State your view in a clear way: you agree that learning culture helps language learning. Keep this same view in each main part.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how films, food, daily life, or social rules can help a learner understand words and how people use them.
task response
Your first example is too general. Do not say only “a study” or “a result” unless you give clear facts. Use one simple, real-like example, such as a student learning English through British films and daily talk.
task response
The second main part gives the other side, but it does not strongly answer it. Say that some people can learn grammar without culture, yet culture still helps them use the language in real life.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason or other view, and conclusion. Give each part one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a short main sentence. Then explain it, give an example, and link it back to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “also”, “for example”, “however”, and “therefore” are enough. Some links in the essay do not clearly show the relation between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “an example of this can be seen”. Use simple forms such as “For example” or “This can be seen when...”
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep it in the conclusion.
task response
You include both sides of the topic, which shows that you understand the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words to guide the reader from one idea to the next.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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