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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people support use of animals for testing medicines for humans. Others believe it is not appropriate to use animals for such experiments. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is well-known that animal testing can be controversial for many people, and even though some people support the practice, there are
inumerous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 contradictions on that matter. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explore both views and share my opinion on why animal testing can be harmful to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wildlife.
Body paragraph 1
On one side, testing medicines on animals
instead
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 of
humans
Use synonyms
 could be
somehow
Rephrase
somewhat
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 beneficial to
humans
Use synonyms
, as it could avoid unnecessary exposure to unknown chemicals and adverse effects.
For example
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, laboratory testing can analyse
impacts
Add an article
the impacts
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 of certain drugs on animals before they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 safely administer the same drug
on
Change preposition
to
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humans
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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, scientists, when aware of the impacts and results of certain drugs on animals , could adapt the drug administration to the human body.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, using wildlife to test unknown
sustances
Correct your spelling
substances
 represents danger not only to the animal, but
also
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 to
humans
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, imagine that certain drugs could have
especific
Correct your spelling
specific
 reactions on rats, determined by their own organism and function. Now, imagine that the same drug could have a
total
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totally
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 different reaction on the human body. It could be a little bit naive to expect that both organisms would react in the same way.
As well as
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 that, nowadays we have so many different organisations to protect animal rights,
such
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 as Greenpeace, that made us aware of
different
Add an article
the different
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 impacts of animal testing.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 using animal testing to validate the effectiveness of medications on
humans
Use synonyms
 could be positive to advance science and health
researches
Replace the word
research
, it generally represents a
thread
Use the right word
threat
show examples
 to wildlife and to
humans
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Make your own view more clear from the start, and explain why you think this view is stronger.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, explain how animal tests can help stop harm to people, then explain why this help may not be enough.
task response
Your example about rats is useful, but make it more real and clear. Say that animals and people can react in different ways, so an animal test may not show what will happen in a person.
task response
Be careful with the point about groups such as Greenpeace. This does not directly prove that animal tests are bad. Focus more on the harm to animals, the limits of the tests, and other ways to test drugs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and an ending. Keep this clear plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “However”, “This means that”, “As a result”, and “For this reason” can show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences so that each sentence has one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match your view more closely. You say animal testing can help science, but you also say it is a danger to people. Explain this contrast in a more direct way.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by showing the good side, the bad side, and your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph plan is easy to follow, with clear opening words such as “On one side” and “On the other hand”.
task response
You give a relevant reason for the other side: tests may stop people from taking drugs with unknown bad effects.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending returns to the main issue and gives a clear final view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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