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The bar chart below shows the number of men and women attending various evening course at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.

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The bar chart below shows the number of men and women attending various evening course at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.
The bar chart compares the number of males and female attended four different evening
classes
Use synonyms
 in 2009, and the pie graph shows the distribution of the
participants
Use synonyms
' ages.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were more women
students
Use synonyms
 than men
students
Use synonyms
 in most of the
classes
Use synonyms
, except sculpture.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most of the
participants
Use synonyms
 were aged 50 or over;
in contrast
Linking Words
, those aged under were the minor. The bar chart shows language class had the highest number of
participants
Use synonyms
, most of whom were females. It's obvious that there were twice as many female
students
Use synonyms
 as male
students
Use synonyms
 in the language class. Drama and painting
classes
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 had more females than males; the number of female
participants
Use synonyms
 was 20 and 30 people,
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 only 10 and 25 of male joined those
classes
Use synonyms
, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the sculpture course had more men than women; there were twice as many male particpants than those female.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie graph, 42% of the
participants
Use synonyms
 were over 50, which was the biggest category, than 26% of the attendee were around the age of 40-49, which was the second largest category.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the attendees aged around 30-39 and 20-29 were 16% and 11% respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, only 5% of them were under the age of 20.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, participants, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • evening courses
  • adult education centre
  • course participants
  • male and female enrolment
  • the highest figure
  • the lowest proportion
  • a marked difference
  • a slight lead
  • outnumbered men
  • showed a preference for
  • practical subjects
  • language-based courses
  • the largest age group
  • the second-largest segment
  • accounted for
  • made up a small minority
  • respectively
  • overall trend
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