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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries,young people are encouraged to work or travel between finishing high school and high school school.Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages for young people who decides to do so

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Introduction
There are many
persepectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 about working after finishing high school :
however
Linking Words
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to
travel
Use synonyms
than
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
. Both of them have advantages and disadvantages.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide
somes
Use the right word
some
show examples
 reasonable
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages
as well as
Linking Words
 disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
At the beginning, working after high
school's
Check wording
school
show examples
 graduation will obtain professional experience
early
Rephrase
earlier
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 than some
people
Use synonyms
 who select to
travel
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, they serve in
restaurant
Add an article
a restaurant
show examples
 as a waitress
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they learned a service skill professionally. If they desire to grow in
this
Linking Words
 career path, they can be able to get a job in
big
Add an article
a big
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 restaurant company
possibly
Punctuation problem
, possibly
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 who pick
this
Linking Words
 pathway will rely on themselves. It's different from
people
Use synonyms
 who
travel
Use synonyms
 because they might still rely on their
parent's
Check wording
parents'
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 budget.
Body paragraph 2
Onthe
Correct your spelling
On the
 other hand,
people
Use synonyms
 who
select
Verb problem
choose
show examples
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 before working. They can explore a world in
term
Check wording
terms
show examples
 of different
culture
Check wording
cultures
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. They will have
span of
Check wording
more
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to discover themselves than
people
Use synonyms
 who
working
Wrong verb form
work
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. In instance,
people
Use synonyms
 who work will have a limited
time
Use synonyms
 to
travel
Use synonyms
 or explore cause spending most
time
Use synonyms
with job
Change preposition
at work
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 will be a clear explanation for
people
Use synonyms
 who
Use synonyms
travel
Wrong verb form
have travelled
show examples
 before.
Sometime
Rephrase
Sometimes
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 it will be more useful to give
time
Use synonyms
 for
discover
Replace the word
discovery
 and be
awareness
Replace the word
aware
 in
term
Check wording
terms
show examples
 of
meaning
Add an article
the meaning
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 of life.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decisions have advantages and disadvantages. Working after high school will provide profesional skill early than travelling ;
otherwise
Linking Words
: Traveling will have
span
Add an article
a span
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 of
time
Use synonyms
 to explore and discover
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value in their life. It
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on which
on
Use the right word
one
show examples
 is the most suitable for them.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. Give two clear good points and two clear bad points of taking a year to work or travel.
task response
Your ideas are on the right topic, but some are too short. Explain why work gives useful job skills and why travel helps young people learn about life.
task response
Be clear that the topic is about the time between high school and further study. Do not write as if travel and work are the only two life choices.
task response
Add a clear bad point for each choice. For example, work may be low paid and travel may cost a lot of money.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. The first can be about work, and the second can be about travel.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear main sentence. Then give an example and explain how it supports the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way: “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In contrast”. Do not use many marks such as “:” and “;” to join ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending stronger. Sum up the main good and bad points, then say that the best choice depends on the young person’s money, plans, and needs.
task response
You discuss both working and travelling, so your answer stays on the main topic.
task response
The example of work in a restaurant helps show how young people can learn job skills.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and an ending. This gives it a clear basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “On the other hand”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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