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Band 5

Some schools are very strict about their school uniform an apoearance of their pupils, while other schools have very relaxed dress code. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children having school uniform?

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Introduction
Many educational institutions have strict rules regarding their student's uniform. It could be advantageous in terms of creating a sense of
unifromity
Correct your spelling
uniformity
 among children.
However
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, it could
also
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 be problematic for parents who cannot afford it.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the primary benefit of having a school uniform is that
,
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apply
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 it will be helpful in developing
the
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apply
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uniformity among peers. Every student is equal to each other, and no one will feel inferior to another in
the way
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terms
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 of dressing.
Moreover
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, it helps everyone to identify the children
according to
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 their outfits, which would not be possible if they
are
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were
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 wearing
a
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different clothing.
For instance
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, many asian schools have a dress code for their learners till high school, as it is important for the recognition
a
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of a
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child through their formal school attire.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are
few
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a few
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 disadvantages which could be overlooked. It includes the extra burden on the parents
,
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 to provide a specific attire for their
offsprings
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offspring
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,
due to
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 budget issues.
As nowadays
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Nowadays
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, schools require many non-essential
compulsary
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compulsory
 things like
,
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 specific badges and ties with matching shoes, which will be heavy on the pockets. Furtherly, most of the adolescents are punished if they
forgot
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forget
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 to wear the required apparel, which could create a sense of fear and
embarrasment
Correct your spelling
embarrassment
 amongst them.
This
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 could be illustrated by the fact that
,
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 few Indian schools give severe punishments like making students stand outside the class or yelling in front of others,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leaves them with traumatic experiences
,
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apply
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 that they will carry
in
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into
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 the future
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apply
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also
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.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, dress code could help in creating equality and easier recognition, but it can
also
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 adds up the problems like budgets and fear.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: the good and bad sides of school uniform. Your main ideas are clear. To make the response stronger, explain each point a little more. For example, say how uniform can cut bullying, or why some families may need to buy more than one set.
task response
Some examples are useful, but they are very broad. The points about Asian and Indian schools would be stronger with one clear, simple case. Do not make a strong claim about punishment unless you can explain it in a fair way.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph for good points, one for bad points, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, equality and being able to see which school a child goes to are two different ideas. Give each idea its own short explanation, or link them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Phrases such as “On the one hand”, “Moreover”, and “For instance” are helpful, but some sentences become long. Use shorter sentences to make the flow clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph more direct. It should restate the main good and bad points in clear words, without adding new ideas.
task response
You give a balanced view by discussing both equality among children and the cost for parents.
task response
Your points are relevant to school uniform, especially the ideas of feeling equal, cost, and fear of punishment.
coherence and cohesion
The use of separate body paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages helps the reader understand your plan.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending returns to the main ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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