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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart and table show information about tourists at a particular holiday resort in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The chart and table show information about tourists at a particular holiday resort in Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart and table
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the information of
tourist
Check wording
tourists
show examples
 who visits austalia from
difeerant
Correct your spelling
different
regions
Use synonyms
 and
analisis
Correct your spelling
analysis
 of their
activitys
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Asian
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Europian
Correct your spelling
European
visitors
Use synonyms
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
accounted above two third of
visitors
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
US
Add an article
the US
show examples
 and other
regions
Use synonyms
take place
Wrong verb form
accounted for
show examples
 the
other
Correct word choice
remaining
show examples
 amount. And
thies
Correct your spelling
these
tourists
Use synonyms
 were
monitord
Correct your spelling
monitored
 by 3 main
activitys
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Largest
Add an article
The largest
show examples
 share of vistors which is 37%
Use synonyms
visitors
Punctuation problem
visitors,
show examples
 came from
Asian
Use synonyms
 countries. But their
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
 stay was the lowest
amoung compared to
Change preposition
among
show examples
 all other
regions
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 those
tourists
Use synonyms
 mostly
stays
Correct subject-verb agreement
stay
show examples
 in
5 star
Correct your spelling
5-star
 hotels and
and sightseen
Replace the word
sightseeing
 was the main activity they has done in their visits. Apart from the
Asian
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
most
Punctuation problem
, most
show examples
 of the American
tourists
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 the
sighseening
Correct your spelling
sightseeing
 as their main activity. Unlike
asian
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
tourists
Add a comma
tourists,
show examples
 they have stayed avarage of 14 days in 4-star hotels.
However
Linking Words
 proposion of American
tourists
Use synonyms
 were comparitivly lower with 18%. Most of the
Use synonyms
Europian
Check wording
Europeans
show examples
, and
visitors
Use synonyms
 from other
regions
Use synonyms
 had
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
 outdoor stays
such
Linking Words
 as
campings
Check wording
camping
show examples
 and
caravans
Replace the word
caravanning
 as their accommodation,
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
show examples
 both
tourists
Use synonyms
 were
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 their
activitys
Correct your spelling
activities
 mostly with water.
However
Linking Words
Europian
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
were stays
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 around 16 days
in side
Correct your spelling
inside
 Australia
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 People form other
regions
Use synonyms
stays
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 only
average
Add an article
an average
show examples
 of 10 days.
Furthermore
Linking Words
Europian
Use synonyms
tourists
Use synonyms
holds
Correct subject-verb agreement
hold
show examples
 the second largest share of tourist visits by any region with 35%
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 other
regions
Use synonyms
 recorded the least
Use synonyms
tourists visit
Replace the word
tourist visits
 with only 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, however, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words regions, asian, europian, visitors, tourists with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tourist demographics
  • peak season
  • off-peak season
  • fluctuations
  • spending habits
  • preferences
  • external factors
  • economic situations
  • resort developments
  • attractions
  • correlations
  • trend
  • demographic changes
  • flux
  • visitor numbers
  • impact analysis
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