IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement to cities and what can be done to reduce it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
More and more people think that
cities
Use synonyms
 become overcrowded because of people that moved from the countryside, and many of them want to know the causes and solutions for
this
Linking Words
 issue. From my perspective, each concern has its own solution.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 movement are the large number of jobs that are available there. The argument is that many global companies and governmental
projects
Use synonyms
 are located in
cities
Use synonyms
, which leads to the need for more workforce.
This
Linking Words
 development results in several crowded
cities
Use synonyms
, ultimately leading to profitable and outstanding
projects
Use synonyms
 in the country. A study conducted by the Department of Economics at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 85% of
projects
Use synonyms
 in Australian
cities
Use synonyms
 were successful.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the economic system will be enhanced
due to
Linking Words
 the presence of
this
Linking Words
 strategy.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
, I am convinced that diversifying investment opportunities across several
cities
Use synonyms
 is the solution to
this
Linking Words
 concern. What I mean is that the government should convince companies to build their
projects
Use synonyms
 in other states that allow individuals to work and live there.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon will increase the number of workers in different
cities
Use synonyms
, which in turn reduces the congestion levels in the country.
For instance
Linking Words
, a group of global and local companies agreed to develop multiple tourism
projects
Use synonyms
 in a non-crowded city.
As a result
Linking Words
, the tourism level is expected to improve if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the lack of job opportunities was the main reason for crowded
cities
Use synonyms
, diversifying investment
projects
Use synonyms
 is the strategy to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain not only jobs, but also why city jobs, schools, hospitals, and services can be better than those in the countryside.
task response
Your main idea about jobs is clear, but one point is not clear: successful city projects do not explain why people move to cities. Show the link between more jobs and people leaving rural areas.
task response
Give a fuller plan to reduce movement. For example, the government can build schools, hospitals, roads, and internet in rural areas, as well as support local jobs and small businesses.
task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. The study about successful projects is not very useful here. A simple example of a new factory or hospital in a rural town would fit the question better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, reason, solution, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the introduction more direct. Say that people move to cities mainly for work, and that rural jobs and services should be improved.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are weak. For example, "This development results in several crowded cities, ultimately leading to profitable and outstanding projects" is hard to follow. Use short, direct links such as "As a result, more people move to cities, and cities become crowded."
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph changes the reason to "lack of job opportunities," while the body says cities have many jobs. Write it more clearly: "People move because rural areas have fewer jobs, while cities offer more work."
task response
You address both the cause and the solution, and your view is clear.
task response
The idea of moving company projects to less crowded places is relevant and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraph breaks and uses basic linking words such as "First of all," "In addition," and "In conclusion."
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion returns to the main cause and solution, which gives the essay a complete shape.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: