IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that buildings such as flats and houses should be designed to last a long time. Others believe that it is more important to provide accommodation quickly and cheaply. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowladge or experiance

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
With the
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
 of population in the world accomatation is a basic need of all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings. To
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
this
Linking Words
authorities
Punctuation problem
, authorities
show examples
 are
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 flats and houses without having proper consideration of
longivity
Correct your spelling
longevity
 and
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 designs. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 those buildings have provide
temperary
Use synonyms
 solution for accommodation
issues
Punctuation problem
issues,
show examples
 that immidiately these
solution
Check wording
solutions
show examples
 were not
sustain longer
Replace the word
sustainable in the long run
. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 making
temparary
Correct your spelling
temporary
solutions
Use synonyms
 cheaper and quickly not a problem solver for
longer
Add an article
the longer
show examples
 term.
Body paragraph 1
Living in common buildings without
build
Wrong verb form
being built
show examples
 with
proper
Add an article
a proper
show examples
 plan
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
affects human health in
differant
Replace the word
different
 ways. After world war 2 germany needs to provide
accomadation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 for
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 destory of their previous houses. For that authoritys were planned mass
accomadation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
such
Linking Words
 as flats with
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 design inside the Berlin city. That accomadation were helped them short term suevival.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 after
couple
Add an article
a couple
show examples
 of
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 start moving out
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the city slowly to find better
accomadations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
.
People
Use synonyms
 who remain
those
Change preposition
in those
show examples
 citys were suffered from
depressed
Replace the word
depression
 and
anxioses
Check wording
anxiety
show examples
. And those
citys
Correct your spelling
cities
 became empty later on and makes gost cities. Researchs find that seen same
stuctures
Correct your spelling
structures
 without anything new for
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 time
affected to
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. But
anciant
Correct your spelling
ancient
 cities in Italy and or Austria
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
Vianna
Check wording
Vienna, Venice
show examples
, Veniese still stand out with
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
 living
experiance
Correct your spelling
experience
 to their citizens without having any problems
that earlier mentioned
Correct word order
mentioned earlier
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
Not only that,
Investing
Correct your spelling
investing temporary
temperary
Use synonyms
solutions
Use synonyms
 rather
building
Correct word choice
than building
show examples
permernant
Correct your spelling
permanent
 stays for
people
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 cost
heavly
Correct your spelling
heavily
.
This
Linking Words
 affected
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
, economically and
peoples
Check wording
people's
show examples
 health as well. For
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 every building has a cost for
build
Replace the word
building
.
Bulild
Correct your spelling
Build temporary
temperary
Use synonyms
solutions
Use synonyms
 one after another for
long term
Correct your spelling
long-term
 effects financially lot, not only that
each
Correct word choice
, but each
show examples
 and every time
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 pollution
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
while
Linking Words
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 and finding
ingrediants
Correct your spelling
ingredients
 for
build
Replace the word
building
.
This
Linking Words
 was a major issue that faced
while
Linking Words
 create
temperary
Use synonyms
 accomadations.
Conclusion
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
 a nutshell, developing
permenent
Correct your spelling
permanent
 and timely buildings
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 many ways that building
temerary
Correct your spelling
temporary
solutions
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 were sustained and
carries
Correct subject-verb agreement
carry
show examples
 cultural values through out gernarations.

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task response
You discuss both views, but the view about fast, low-cost homes needs more support. Explain why this choice can help families after a war, a flood, or a big rise in people. Then show more clearly why you still think long-life homes are better.
task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph. State that quick homes can help in an emergency, but well-made homes are the best long-term answer.
task response
Some examples are not fully clear or may be too broad. For example, explain exactly how the Berlin homes were planned, why people left, and how this proves your point. Avoid saying that all people in such homes became ill unless you can show clear proof.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction; reasons for quick and cheap homes; reasons for homes built to last; conclusion with your view. This will make both sides easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “Quick, cheap homes are useful in an emergency.” Then give one example and explain it before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In contrast”. Do not put many different points in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph should say your view in a full, clear way. At present, it is too short and has an unfinished comparison. Say why long-life homes save money, help people, and reduce waste over time.
task response
You give a clear personal view that homes should be built to last.
task response
You use examples from Germany and old cities to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You often use contrast words such as “However” and “Not only that”, which helps show the change between ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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