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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement to cities and what can be done to reduce it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, many major
cities
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 are facing overcrowding
due to
Linking Words
 increasing migration from rural
areas
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend is mainly driven by better
employment
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 opportunities and easier
access
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 to essential
services
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 in
cities
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. I believe that
governments
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 can address
this
Linking Words
 problem by investing more in rural development.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason
people
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 move to
cities
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 is the availability of better job opportunities. As
cities
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 are centres of economic development, they offer a wider range of jobs and higher salaries, allowing
people
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 to improve their quality of life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, urban residents generally have easier
access
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 to essential
services
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,
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals, schools and public transport.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
people
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 living in rural
areas
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 may have to travel long distances to
access
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 these facilities.
As a result
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, many
people
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, particularly young adults, choose to move to
cities
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 in search of a more comfortable and convenient lifestyle.
Body paragraph 2
To reduce migration to
cities
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,
governments
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 should invest more in rural infrastructure and
employment
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 opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, building hospitals, schools and recreational facilities in regional
areas
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 would improve residents' living conditions.
In addition
Linking Words
,
governments
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 could provide financial incentives for businesses to establish offices and factories outside major
cities
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.
This
Linking Words
 would create more local jobs and reduce the need for rural residents to relocate for
employment
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. If
people
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 could enjoy good career prospects and essential
services
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 in their hometowns, they would be more likely to remain there.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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 are increasingly moving to
cities
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 because of better
employment
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 prospects and more convenient
access
Use synonyms
 to essential
services
Use synonyms
. To address urban overcrowding,
governments
Use synonyms
 should improve rural infrastructure and encourage businesses to create jobs in regional
areas
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question well. To make the response stronger, add one more clear cause, such as city life being seen as more modern or having more study choices.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but the example is general. Add a real or more exact example, such as a small town where a new factory gave local people work.
task response
Explain the link between each plan and less movement in a little more detail. For example, say that good schools and hospitals mean families do not need to leave their home area.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a clear end. Keep this strong four-part plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are easy to follow. You can use a wider range of simple links, such as “because of this”, “for this reason”, and “also”, so that the flow feels less repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea and good support. You could make the first line of each body part even more direct by naming the exact point before explaining it.
task response
You fully deal with the causes of city growth and give practical plans to slow it down.
task response
The points about jobs, pay, schools, hospitals, and local business are useful and on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to read because the ideas are in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Furthermore”, “In contrast”, “As a result”, and “In addition” help the reader follow your ideas.
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