IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Learning a foreign language is becoming increasingly important. What are the reasons for this, and how can people learn a language effectively?

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, a new topic has arisen in our society
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 is becoming increasingly important. I believe that learning a
language
Use synonyms
 depends on time,
language
Use synonyms
 difficulty, and ability. Learning a
language
Use synonyms
 is important in many aspects of life, and
people
Use synonyms
 can learn different languages through institutes and online.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 is becoming increasingly important.
This
Linking Words
 is because we need to improve our position in our firm and have good conversations with foreign
people
Use synonyms
 to learn about their cultures,
such
Linking Words
 as traditional food and annual ceremonies.
People
Use synonyms
 can learn
English
Use synonyms
 from different online websites,
for example
Linking Words
, by following tips
such
Linking Words
 as listening to Luke’s
English
Use synonyms
 podcast for 55 minutes.
For example
Linking Words
, they can read from Medium Daily Digest for 50 minutes, learn vocabulary from Oxford Words, practice grammar with ChatGPT, practice speaking with IELTS Advance.com, and write with the Grammarly app.
Therefore
Linking Words
, learning a
language
Use synonyms
 should take time as
people
Use synonyms
 progress.
Body paragraph 2
Another important point is that learning a
language
Use synonyms
 reflects your ability to accept other opinions and norms.
In other words
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
are used
show examples
 to
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
 with their hands, and others worship a different God.
This
Linking Words
 helps you understand their behaviours and beliefs.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of my friends, Abdul, learned the
English
Use synonyms
language
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 went to Indonesia to explore their region of prayer and norms of greeting to check their ability to accept other
people
Use synonyms
. He found that the
language
Use synonyms
 helped him accept others.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 must learn a
language
Use synonyms
 like
English
Use synonyms
 to keep up with development because 80% of research is in
English
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both points show how learning a
language
Use synonyms
 effectively can meet
people
Use synonyms
's needs and requirements in different situations.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 increases your performance and how others view you.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give clear reasons why foreign languages are important, such as work, travel, study, and talking with people from other countries. Then give clear ways to learn well, such as daily practice, speaking with others, and using the language in real life.
Task response
Keep your main ideas focused. The first body part has many apps and websites, but it does not explain well why these ways work. Choose two or three ways to learn and explain each one.
Task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. Abdul’s trip to Indonesia shows that language can help people know other ways of life, but the last part about checking their ability to accept others is not clear. Say exactly what he learned and how English helped him.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two body parts, and an ending. This is a good shape. However, the opening should state the two main answers more clearly: why language is important and how to learn it well.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each body part have one clear main idea. The first part moves from jobs and culture to a long list of online tools. You could split these ideas or use one topic sentence that links them.
Coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more natural way. Words like “For example”, “In other words”, and “Therefore” are used, but some do not fit the next sentence. Check that each link shows the right relation between the two ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid long lists of names and times. They make the paragraph feel like notes, not an essay. Use a simple example, such as: ‘Learners can listen to short talks every day and write down new words.’
Task response
You give reasons linked to work, meeting people from other countries, and learning about their way of life.
Task response
You include useful learning ideas, such as listening, reading, learning new words, grammar practice, speaking, and writing.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraph breaks and has a beginning and an ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You try to guide the reader with linking words, such as “To begin with”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: