some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent eslewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

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Introduction
Historically
arts
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take forward the history, traditions and
itdentity
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identity
of the culture. With that, nations obtain
recognision
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recognition
and value
form
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from
show examples
others. It helps to attract visitors and their economy
many
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in many
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ways.
Linking Words
However
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However,
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some people argue that
government
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the government
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should not invest
on
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in
show examples
those
arts
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and cultural events. But these funds must be used in essential
sectors
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. I
am
Verb problem
do
show examples
not completely agree on
this
Linking Words
statement because
investment
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on
arts
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is not an unimportant thing.
Body paragraph 1
People think that investing
on
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in
show examples
arts
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will degrade the quality of other important
sectors
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such
Linking Words
as education, medical , infrastucture developments.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
show examples
investment
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in
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arts
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the arts
show examples
will help to develop those
sectors
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simultaniously
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simultaneously
. As an example,
admit
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admitting
show examples
young kids in
arts
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from
early
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an early
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ages
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age
show examples
will help them to develop their creativity and logical explanations.
This
Linking Words
is an important thing to create an educated society.
Furthermore
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,
this
Linking Words
helps
elderly
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the elderly
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gernaration
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generation
to stay focused and healthy by engaging in art activities.
Investment
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on
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in
show examples
arts
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indirectly helps to
imporove
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improve
essential
sectors
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.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
Linking Words
, tourist attracts to
experiance
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experience
unique things in places.
Arts
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become major role in tourist attractions. Not only
it
Verb problem
does it
show examples
helps economy
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
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local businesses. Many
citys
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cities
built
infrastucture
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infrastructure
to help tourist to expriance those artistic tours. Example Paris. Millions of tourists visit each and every year to
experiance
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experience
those
arts
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in museums.
This
Linking Words
process makes lots of money
to
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for
show examples
countries from tourists.
Conclusion
Finally
Linking Words
,
Investment
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on art will benifits counties directly and
indireclty
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indirectly
. Both ways help them to take
step
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a step
show examples
forward
the
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in the
show examples
country. Government
investment
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toward
arts
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not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
a waste of money unless governments completly ignores other
sectors
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.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. For example, say that you partly agree: art should get public money, but health, schools, and roads must also get enough money.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. In the first body part, show exactly how art at school can help learning. In the second, explain how visitors spend money on hotels, food, travel, and shops.
task response
Use a more careful example. Paris is a useful example, but say which places people visit, such as art museums, and link this clearly to public money for art.
task response
Your last part repeats your view, but it can be stronger. Restate your answer and sum up the two main reasons: art supports people and brings money from visitors.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make the first line of each body part state one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links to show the flow of ideas: 'First', 'For example', 'Also', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'. Do not use too many links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they have missing words or unclear meaning. Write shorter sentences, with a clear subject and verb. For example: 'Public money for art can also support education and health.'
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about art helping other areas. Give one clear point about schools and one clear point about visitors, then explain each one.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear general view: public money for art is not a waste.
task response
You use two relevant main ideas: art can help people learn, and art can bring visitors and money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The Paris example helps the reader understand your point about visitors and art.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public funding
  • government budget
  • essential public services
  • healthcare and education
  • affordable housing
  • limited resources
  • waste taxpayers’ money
  • cultural heritage
  • national identity
  • preserve traditions
  • access to the arts
  • community arts projects
  • creative skills
  • attract tourists
  • boost the local economy
  • create employment
  • ticket sales
  • careful allocation of funds
  • urgent social needs
  • poorly managed projects
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