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Band 6.5

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence.What are your opinions?

#today’s #world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #parents’ #absence
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In contemporary society, with the rise in the cost of living and increased competition, both
parents
 must work to earn more money. The question of whether
this
 brings more advantages for
children
 has become a matter of considerable debate.
Although
 some argue that
this
 situation causes
parents
 to not have enough
time
 to spend with their
children
, I believe
this
 choice is more beneficial for them.
Firstly
, dual-income families can provide a higher standard of living for their
children
. With more financial resources,
parents
 can afford better education, extracurricular activities, and healthcare.
For example
,
children
 can attend private schools, participate in various enrichment programs, and receive top-notch medical care, all of which contribute to their
overall
 development and future success.
Secondly
, the additional income can reduce financial stress within the family
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
This
 can lead to a more balanced and harmonious family environment, as financial stability often
associates
Wrong verb form
associated
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 with reduced conflict and stress.
Consequently
,
parents
 can focus more on spending quality
time
 with their
children
 when they are not burdened by financial concerns.
However
, it is essential to acknowledge the concerns regarding parental absence.
While
 it is true that
children
 may feel neglected when both
parents
 are working,
this
 issue can be mitigated with proper
time
 management and prioritization.
Parents
 can ensure they spend meaningful
time
 with their
children
 by planning family activities and being present during important moments. In conclusion,
although
 there are concerns about the lack of parental support in dual-income families, I believe the benefits of the additional income outweigh these drawbacks. The improved standard of living and financial stability provided by both
parents
working
Verb problem
apply
show examples
ultimately contribute positively to the family's well-being.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income households
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • emotional well-being
  • parental involvement
  • social development
  • extracurricular activities
  • childcare solutions
  • time management
  • career advancement
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