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Writing Samples
Band 7

some people think that to be successful you need to get University education whereas others say it is not true. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
More and more
people
Use synonyms
 think that
University
Use synonyms
 education is not essential to be successful in their lives,
while
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 may not agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. From my perspective, both opinions are equally important for two reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that a
university
Use synonyms
 degree is able to open up interesting opportunities for individuals. The argument is that students will learn information and skills that will be needed in their jobs in order to get a good salary.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon results in many highly skilled employees, which in turn improves the company's outcomes in the country. A study conducted by the Department of Economics at Melbourne
University
Use synonyms
 in 2025 concluded that 75% of employees in Sydney who have a bachelor's degree are more productive and successful than others.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the economic system will be enhanced
due to
Linking Words
 the presence of
this
Linking Words
 education program.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
Linking Words
, I am convinced that,
instead
Linking Words
 of a bachelor's degree, there are many skills that can be learned. What I mean is that anyone can find the needed courses for any major or field on the internet in an effort to learn them properly.
This
Linking Words
 alternative will increase the number of educated
people
Use synonyms
 in different fields, ultimately leading to a reduction in unemployment rates in society.
For instance
Linking Words
, both Microsoft and MIT provide several important courses about how to perform complicated tasks using AI.
As a result
Linking Words
, the performance of the educational system will certainly improve if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 a group of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
University
Use synonyms
 education is vital to get a convenient job, others may say that online courses are enough.

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task response
Discuss both sides more directly. Explain why a degree can lead to success, and why people can also succeed without one. Then give one clear opinion: say which side you agree with more, or say clearly that both are equally useful.
task response
Make your main idea more exact. Success is not only a good job or more money. You can also talk about work skills, work experience, business, and personal goals.
task response
Use examples that show success without university. For example, a person may learn a trade, build a small business, or gain work skills through courses and practice.
task response
Be careful with the study about Melbourne University. It feels made up and it is not fully explained. A clear general example is often better than a fact or number that the reader cannot check.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. Keep this shape, but make each body paragraph focus on one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Link the ideas in the first body paragraph more clearly. The move from workers with degrees to better results for the whole country is too quick. Explain how one leads to the other.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph changes from online courses to lower unemployment and then to a better education system. These ideas do not fully fit together. Focus on how online learning can help a person get skills and become successful.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your opinion in the introduction. It should state your own view, not only repeat what two groups think.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words with care: 'On the one hand', 'For example', 'However', and 'Therefore'. Do not use 'This phenomenon' when you can name the idea again.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give reasons for each view.
task response
Your examples about work skills and online courses are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has a clear role.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful links such as 'First of all', 'Conversely', 'For instance', and 'In conclusion'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
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