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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The most effective way to solve traffic problems in the cities is to encourage people from suburbs or the countryside to live in the cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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Introduction
More and more
people
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 think that traffic issues can be solved by moving residents from the countryside to
cities
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,
while
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 other
people
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 see the opposite as a better idea. From my perspective, both opinions are equally important for two reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that living in
cities
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instead
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 of suburbs can reduce travel rates between states. The argument is that these individuals will not need to travel by highways, which leads to a reduction in the number of dangerous accidents.
This
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 proposal increases the population density across all states, ultimately leading to an improvement in economic activity in the country. A study conducted by the Department of Economics at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 85% of economic success is based on population density.
Therefore
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, the economic system will be enhanced
due to
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 the presence of
this
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 strategy.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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, I am convinced that encouraging citizens to live in the countryside is the main solution to
this
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 concern. What I mean is that most
people
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 are upset because of congestion in
cities
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, and it will be solved by reducing the population density in each city.
This
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 solution will increase the investment opportunities in these places, which in turn improves the nation's economy.
For instance
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, Microsoft build their Artificial Intelligence projects in distant and sunny places.
As a result
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, the performance of the economy will certainly be enhanced if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 a lot of
people
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 believe that traffic problems across the country will be solved by moving residents from the countryside to
cities
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, a group of
people
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 has an opposite opinion.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph. You say both views are important, but the task asks how far you agree that moving people into cities is the best way. Say clearly if you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Focus on traffic problems, not mainly on the economy. Explain how city living may cut long trips from outer areas, but also why it may cause more cars, buses, and crowds inside cities.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear link: cause, result, and example. For example, if people live near work, they may walk, cycle, or use trains, so there may be fewer long car trips.
task response
Use examples that are clear and believable. The Melbourne study is not explained, and the Microsoft example does not show how traffic is reduced. A simple example about people living near a train stop would fit better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two body paragraphs, and ending. Keep this shape, but make each paragraph answer the same question about traffic.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph changes to the opposite idea, but it needs a stronger link to your main view. Start it with a direct point, such as: “However, moving more people into cities can make traffic worse.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending state your own final view. At present, it only repeats that two groups have different ideas. End by saying which plan you support and why.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as “this concern”, “these places”, and “that method” when the reader may not know what they mean. Name the idea again: “traffic in city centres” or “moving jobs to small towns”.
task response
You discuss both city living and country living, so you show that the issue has more than one side.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph breaks and common linking words such as “First of all”, “Conversely”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Several points follow a useful pattern: claim, reason, and result. This gives the reader a basic path through your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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