IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate over whether it is necessary for
governments
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 to provide every
household
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 with clean
water
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 free of charge.
While
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 some argue that free
water
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 is important because everyone needs
water
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 in daily life, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view because it may cause
water
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 waste and increase government spending.
Body paragraph 1
One compelling reason for
this
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 stance is that free
water
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 may cause
people
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 to waste it.
This
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 is primarily because some
people
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 may not value
water
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 when they do not need to pay for it.
For example
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, some
people
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 may leave the taps running when they wash dishes or brush their teeth. They may think that using more
water
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 does not cost them any
money
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.
As a result
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, a large amount of
water
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 may be wasted every day. Over time,
this
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 may put more pressure on local
water
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 supplies.
Therefore
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, providing free
water
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 to every
household
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 could lead to unnecessary
water
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 consumption.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that free
water
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 could increase government spending.
This
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 is mainly because
governments
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 need to spend
money
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 on cleaning and supplying
water
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 to every
household
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. If
water
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 is free,
governments
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 will have to pay these costs.
For example
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,
governments
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 may need to spend more
money
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 on
water
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 services
instead
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 of education and healthcare.
As a result
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, there may be less
money
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 available for schools and hospitals.
Although
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 free
water
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 can help poor families save
money
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, providing it to everyone may create financial pressure on
governments
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 free
water
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 can help
people
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 in their daily lives, I strongly disagree that every
household
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 should receive it free of charge because
this
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 may encourage
water
Use synonyms
 waste and increase government spending.

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task response
The main problem is that your essay answers a different question. The topic is about unpaid community work in high school, but your essay is about free water for every home. Read the question again and make sure every main idea answers that exact question.
task response
For this topic, state clearly how far you agree or disagree with making community work a must for high school students. Then give reasons about students, schools, and the wider community.
task response
Use more direct examples. For example, students could help in parks, old people’s homes, or local food banks. Explain what they would learn and how the work would help other people.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph plan is clear: an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending. However, this clear plan supports the wrong topic. Keep the same simple plan, but use it for community work.
coherence and cohesion
Your links are easy to follow, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”. Try not to use “This is mainly because” in every main paragraph. Use other simple links, such as “Also”, “In addition”, or “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one clear main point that is linked to the question. Start with a topic sentence, give an example, and then explain why it supports your view.
task response
You give a clear view in the opening and repeat it clearly in the ending.
task response
Each main paragraph has a reason, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order and is easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are both present and match each other.
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