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Band 3.5

Parents should spend more time with their children, helping them with their homework. Do you agree or disagree?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is
told
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said
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 that
,
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apply
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 guardians should help their kids with their
assingment
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assignments
 and schoolwork at home.
Body paragraph 1
Whereas
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,
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apply
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 other does not agree with that
but
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apply
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,
from
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but from
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 my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
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 I totally believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 must help their children .
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
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,
parents
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 play an important role in their
kid's life
Fix the agreement mistake
kids' lives
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, especially at
younger
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a younger
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 age.
Guardians
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Guardians'
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 job towards their kids is to help them face difficulties and
encourge
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encourage
 them to be better and confident.
Linking Words
furthermore
Capitalize the word
Furthermore
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, spending more time with them
help
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helps
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parents
Use synonyms
 to notice their weaknesses and figure out a solution to
it
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them
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. With their
help
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help,
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 they can raise a strong, confident, and successful person.
Body paragraph 3
Secondly
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, repeatedly taking the responsibility from the kid
it
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apply
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will
to
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lead to
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 a drawback in their mentality and make them
upon
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rely
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 on others.
Moreover
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,
It
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apply
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it
very
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is very
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 beneficial to
assest
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assess
 them
,
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;
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however
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,
parents
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 must balance between being clingy and unsupervised.
For instance
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,
If
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if
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 the family were to
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be too strict
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strict
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strict,
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 the kid will not be able to
take
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make
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 a decision by himself or
on the other hand
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,
If
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if
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 they leave him
unsupervised
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unsupervised,
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 it is like dropping him in the middle of the ocean
a lone
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alone
.
Conclusion
In
concluion
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conclusion
, I completely agree that
parents
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 should help and support their kids
but
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apply
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,
It
Correct word choice
but it
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 is a
double-sword edged
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double-edged sword
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, so they must be very
carefull
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careful
. babies need an
enviroment
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environment
 where they can feel safe and supported
and
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, and
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that is
Linking Words
 what
parents
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 should give
to him
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part and keep the same view in each paragraph. Your main point is good: parents should help, but not do all the work for the child.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully. Say how help with homework can build trust, show a child’s weak points, and help the child learn.
task response
Use one clear, real example. For example, a parent can explain one hard math question, then ask the child to finish the rest alone.
task response
Make the second main paragraph clearer. At present, it says that parents should help, but it also says too much help can make children need others. State this as a clear limit: help, guide, then let the child work alone.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one paragraph on why help is good, one paragraph on why help should have limits, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example. This will make the reader follow your writing more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” can help, but do not put a comma after every link word.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the words for people the same. Choose “parents” and “children” instead of changing between “guardians”, “kids”, “family”, “babies”, “him”, and “them”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph short and direct. Restate your view and the limit: parents should support homework, but children should still do their own work.
task response
You give a clear view that parents should support their children.
task response
You include an important second idea: too much help may stop children from doing things on their own.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use link words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “Moreover”, and “For instance” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parental involvement
  • academic development
  • parent-child relationship
  • supported and encouraged
  • confidence and independence
  • educational strategies
  • autonomous learning
  • foster a love for learning
  • tailored interventions
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