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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Today, it is evident that the environment is standing on the verge of an alarming point. It must be clean and safe to live for both
animals
Use synonyms
 and
humans
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. From some people's persective losing specific wildlife is most worse affect of environmental issues ,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that more crucial consequences
also
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 exist. Let's discuss both points of view.
Body paragraph 1
Climatic concerns are causing serious hazards for
animals
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 and
plants
Use synonyms
. It can cause difficulties for the survival of various species, as we can see, there are fewer trees and
animals
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 than in the past.
For example
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, acid rain is causing deadly situations for aquatic life, i.e., dolphins and fish.
Additionally
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, deforestation results in the loss of habitat for several
animals
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 , and it affects the
overall
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 ecosystem and food chain.
Moreover
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, it results in the vanishing of different kinds of species of
plants
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 and
animals
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 yearly. We can say that,
due to
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 human activities that affect the atmosphere negatively, marine
animals
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, land
animals
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 and
plants
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 are facing serious threats and their lives are in danger.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
population
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the population
show examples
as well are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is also
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 living in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fatal atmosphere.
For instance
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, smoke from the factories by burning raw material and forest fires is causing air pollution that makes breathing harmful,
due to
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 which people are more likely to have lung diseases and critical health obstacles like Asthma.
Furthermore
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, CFCs are
entring to
Verb problem
entering
show examples
 the upper layer of
hemishpere
Correct your spelling
the atmosphere
 and causing the depletion of
ozone
Add an article
the ozone
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 layer. In
this
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 way, the fatal rays of sunlight are resulting in serious skin complications,
also
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, it is the reason for global warming that ends in
melting
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the melting
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 of glaciers , and ultimately it causes huge floods which result in great loss of
humans
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 and wildlife.
Hence
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, there are hundreds of other crucial troubles that are raised by environmental situations.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, admittedly, we cannot ignore the loss of trees and
animals
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 , but bad weather conditions are
also
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 causing the worst calamities for
humans
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. So , there are other critical problems in the form of air pollution, land pollution, droughts, floods, famines, health diseases like heart attacks, lung and skin problems.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would like
to conclude
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 by saying that poor environmental conditions are causing the end of several families of
animals
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 and
plants
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 , but at the same time, these are
also
Linking Words
 negatively affecting the lives of
humans
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
to a
show examples
 large extent.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, make your main view clearer: say which problem is more important and why.
task response
Your ideas are linked to the topic, but some points need more care. Explain how the loss of one plant or animal can harm food, water, and human life.
task response
Use fewer long lists of problems. Choose one or two strong examples, such as loss of forests or dirty air, and explain each one fully.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, your view, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then give an example and explain its result before moving to a new idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and join many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences to make the meaning clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'however', 'for example', 'as a result', and 'therefore' should show a clear link between two ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as 'serious', 'crucial', and 'fatal'. Use simple clear words instead, such as 'harmful', 'major', or 'dangerous'.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by writing about species loss, other environmental problems, and your own opinion.
task response
You use relevant examples, including acid rain, cutting down forests, air pollution, and floods.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph order is easy to see, and the conclusion returns to the main topic.
coherence and cohesion
You try to connect ideas with words such as 'additionally', 'furthermore', and 'however'.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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