IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Read the question below and write an opinion essay. Remember to write down a clear thesis statement followed by your essay plan. Only then attempt to write this essay. With access to the internet and social media websites, many children are exposed to a number of dangerous situations. Adults should thus limit access to the internet for their children. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is argued that
,
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apply
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 youngsters are endangered with the increase in internet and social media
usuage
Correct your spelling
usage
 because of which adults should provide limited access to their
offsprings
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offspring
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. I
,
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apply
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 partially agree with
this
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, as children get exposed to different cyber crimes, but at the same
time
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time,
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 the usage of these advanced technologies could be beneficial for them.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, the primary cause is that the number of cyber crimes
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing day by day, and young adults are the
one
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ones
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 who are targeted the most, as they are considerably more vulnerable and immature, in comparison to a grown-up. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result of
this
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, many online users face bullying and criticism, which leads to stress and chronic depression.
For instance
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,
due to
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 online
pressure
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pressure,
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 the number of suicidal cases has been rising more frequently
,
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apply
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 than
the
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in the
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last
Linking Words
decades
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few decades
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.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
, students are spending most of their time on different social media websites like
,
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apply
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 Snapchat and Instagram, rather than concentrating on their studies,
that
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which
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 ultimately affects their academic performance, and it could be a hurdle for their future.
Therefore
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, parents should prohibit their children
to use
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from using
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 these platforms excessively, and encourage them to engage with some outside activities in their
leasure
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leisure
 time.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, it could
also
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 be
proved
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apply
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beneficial if it is used in a mindful way.
This
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 could be illustrated by the fact that
,
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 advanced AI tools like ChatGPT
,
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apply
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helps
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help
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 in numerous things
like
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apply
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,
getting
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like getting
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 knowledge about a particular subject or asking
any
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for
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 daily updates, and it can provide information
just
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in just
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in
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a
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 few seconds.
Body paragraph 4
Furtherly
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, young adults can connect with different people through social networking, which could help them to understand different cultures and traditions. They can plan their future
according to
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 their
likings
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likes
 and
dislikings
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dislikes
 about a particular place.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I firmly believe that easy access to
internet
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the internet
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 and social media can put a child in danger of bullying and affect their learning, but it can
also
Linking Words
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 in connecting with different people and learning new things.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way. You say you partly agree, but your last paragraph says you firmly believe both sides. Say clearly whether adults should limit use, and explain how much control is needed.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For example, explain what parents can do: set time rules, check age limits, use safe settings, and talk to children about online risk.
task response
Use stronger and more exact examples. The point about self-harm is very serious, so do not make a wide claim without clear support. A simple example of online bullying or too much screen time would be safer and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, risks, good sides, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between your partly agree view and each body paragraph clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Start body paragraphs with short, clear main sentences. For example: “One reason for limits is online harm.” Then give one reason, explain it, and add an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and have many commas. Split them into two or three short sentences so the meaning is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Moreover” works for a second risk, but “Furtherly” is not natural here. Use “Also”, “In addition”, or “Another good point is” instead.
task response
You answer both parts of the issue. You explain why the internet can be harmful and why it can help children learn and meet people from other places.
task response
Your examples are relevant to the topic, such as online bullying, school work, AI tools, and social media.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs for the two sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To conclude” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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