IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, sport is becoming a big business with high earnings for professional sportspeople and a lot of companies have involved in financially and in other ways. Is it a positive or negative development of sport?

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In modern
society
Add a comma
society,
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sport
Use synonyms
 becomes a considerable business industry with professional athletes and
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
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 players earning substantial incomes and companies increasingly investing in
Use synonyms
sport
Check wording
sports
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 events. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is
largely
Add an article
a largely
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 positive development, as financial contribution can improve
Use synonyms
sport
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sports
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 facilities and support sportspeople. One of the main advantages of commercial investment in sports is that it provides development opportunities for athletes to develop their skills.
This
Linking Words
 is because not all athletes can afford professional coaching, high-quality equipment and special training facilities.
For instance
Linking Words
,
talent
Replace the word
talented
 sportspeople from
financial
Rephrase
financially
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 disadvantaged backgrounds suposed to end their career because they
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not enough
financial
Check wording
financial resources
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task response
You give a clear view that this change is mostly good, and you give one main reason. However, the essay stops in the middle of an example. Add a full first body part, a second body part, and a short end that repeats your view.
task response
Explain both sides before you make your final view. You could say that money can help sport, but too much money may make sport less fair or put too much pressure on players. Then say why the good side is stronger.
task response
Make your example complete and clear. For example, explain how a player from a poor family can get training, clothes, travel money, and a chance to play because of company help.
coherence and cohesion
Your start is clear: it says the topic and your view. Keep a simple plan: start, first good point, second good point or bad point, then end.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to guide the reader, such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In the end”. Do not use too many link words in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to read because of word form and grammar problems. Write shorter sentences and check the basic form: “people from poor families may have to end their careers because they do not have enough money.”
task response
Your main view is easy to find: you think company money can help sport and sportspeople.
task response
The point about better training, equipment, and places to train is on topic and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The first paragraph gives a clear start and leads well into your first main point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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