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Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instrad of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 visiting a
doctor
Use synonyms
 is a very important thing.
While
Linking Words
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 commonly held belief that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 doctors
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
depend
in their
Change preposition
apply
show examples
treatments
Use synonyms
 on studies and scientific research
that
Change preposition
for their treatments
show examples
,
will
Correct pronoun usage
which will
show examples
 be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
safe
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their life an
health
Use synonyms
. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, visiting their
doctor
Use synonyms
 not just for
treatments
Use synonyms
 but
that,
Correct word choice
also
show examples
due to
Linking Words
descover
Correct your spelling
discover
 a new
problem
Correct word order
health problem
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 if there are. In other
worlds
Use the right word
words
show examples
, the
altenative
Correct your spelling
alternative
medicines
Use synonyms
 and
treatments
Use synonyms
instrad
Correct your spelling
instead
 are a good
do
Use the right word
choice
show examples
 because
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have
a lowest
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 fees and do not
spend
Verb problem
take up
show examples
 more time.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are a lot of things in
alternative
Use synonyms
medicines
Use synonyms
, they can
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 that, and they will
able
Verb problem
be able
show examples
 to treatment their self. In other hand,
Synthses the
Replace the word
synthesising
medicines
Use synonyms
 is a
diffecult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 thing
Correct word choice
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 it dangrous on their
health
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if we need to save on our
healthy
Replace the word
health
, we should use
alternative
Use synonyms
medicines
Use synonyms
 or
treatments
Use synonyms
instrad
Correct your spelling
instead
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
some
medicines
Use synonyms
 are drugs that have a negative effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our body.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider is that
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 poor family or reach family that
due to
Linking Words
 go
people
Use synonyms
 to
alternative
Use synonyms
medicines
Use synonyms
 or
Use synonyms
doctor
Check wording
doctors
show examples
. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that
people
Use synonyms
 are focus to spend their money
in foods
Change preposition
on food
show examples
, basic
fees
Check wording
needs,
show examples
 and
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 to enjoy
instead
Linking Words
 of
spend in care
Correct word order
spending on health care
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, when they get
sick
Punctuation problem
sick,
show examples
 they turn to
alternative
Use synonyms
medicines
Use synonyms
 to
treated
Replace the word
treat
 because
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 cheaper than
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
show examples
, and they can
to saved
Wrong verb form
save
show examples
 funds
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other things.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
despire
Correct your spelling
despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that
treatments
Use synonyms
 by
doctor
Use synonyms
 is not the best
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 there are many
people
Use synonyms
can
Correct pronoun usage
who can
show examples
 not
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
pay the cost of
treatments
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first part. Say if this is mainly a good or bad change, then keep the same view to the end.
task response
Explain why low cost is helpful, but also explain the risks of using care that may not be safe. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Use clear examples. For example, a person may use a cheap herb for a serious illness and wait too long to see a doctor.
coherence and cohesion
Give each body part one main idea. For example, one part can be about cost, and the next can be about safety.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links such as “First”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not use “In other hand”; write “On the other hand”.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence clear before adding a new idea. Many sentences are hard to follow because they have too many words and unclear parts.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part match your view. It should sum up your main reasons and give a clear final answer.
task response
You discuss two useful points: the lower cost of other care and the high cost of doctor care.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main body parts, and a final part. You also try to use examples.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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