IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where the did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is believed that any professional worker should have the freedom to
work
Use synonyms
 wherever they want,
while
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 others think that they should
work
Use synonyms
 in their native country where the training was done. In my opinion, the choice should always be given to the
willingness
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will
show examples
 of a person.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with, there are
significant
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a significant
show examples
amount
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number
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 of people who
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 in indigenous training
nation
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nations
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, and it could be
due to
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 the rules and requirements of certain advanced
degree
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degrees
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. As there are different
enterance
Correct your spelling
entrance
 exams conducted before getting admission in postgraduate studies, and it is done on the basis of certain government policies,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may not
applicable
Verb problem
be applicable
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 overseas.
Moreover
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, individuals might have to repeat the basics to
work
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 in a foreign country. LSAT law exam,
for instance
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, requires international students to qualify
it
Change preposition
for it
show examples
 despite
of
Change preposition
apply
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having
master's
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a master's
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 degree in
laws
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law
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.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, if a skilled person moved abroad, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be disadvantageous for their own state.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are many benefits of working in different
territory
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territories
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, like the international firms may offer high pay scales to the skilled workers, which could ultimately
attracts
Wrong verb form
attract
show examples
 them to
work
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 for that firm.
In addition
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 to that, people may find better opportunities for their
career
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careers
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 somewhere else.
This
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 could be illustrated by the fact that
,
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apply
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 many Indian scientists have moved to the American states because they provide better infrastructure and have
availability
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the availability
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 of
large scale
Correct your spelling
large-scale
 research centres.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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 the increasing population
,
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apply
show examples
 and
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 employment opportunities
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 adults are forced to
work
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 wherever they get a chance, so that they can provide for their families.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I firmly believe that every person should have the right to
work
Use synonyms
 anywhere they want, but first preference should always be given to their own states, and if they get better chances
some where
Correct your spelling
somewhere
 else,
then
Linking Words
 they should opt for that.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Make the first view more direct: say why a country may ask trained doctors and engineers to stay, such as public money spent on their training and the need for workers at home.
task response
Your main view is clear, but it changes a little at the end. You first say people should choose freely, then say their own country should come first. State one clear rule and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic closely. The law test example is useful, but doctors and engineers would fit the question better. For example, a doctor may need to pass a local medical test before working abroad.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one view, the other view, and conclusion. Keep this order in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph begin with one clear main idea. In the first body paragraph, start with the reason countries want workers to stay. Then explain the rules and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. For example, the point about entry tests does not fully show why workers must stay in their training country. Explain the link more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating link words such as “Furthermore” many times. Use simple links with a clear job: “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “In contrast”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both sides and give your own opinion.
task response
The example of Indian scientists moving to the United States clearly supports the idea that people may move for better work and better research places.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss and gives your view early.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main idea and gives the essay a clear ending.
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