IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You eat at your college cafeteria every lunchtime. However, you think it needs some improvements. Write a letter to the college magazine in your letter Explain what you like about the cafeteria Say what is wrong with it Suggest how it could be improved

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Dear Sir/Madam, I'm writing
this
Linking Words
 letter
hoping
Punctuation problem
, hoping
show examples
 that you can use our college magazine to spread out some concerns I have regarding the cafeteria
area
Use synonyms
. My name is Jules, a senior who spends every lunchtime in our dining
area
Use synonyms
. I notice that lots of students like me choose the cafeteria during their
lunchbreak
Correct your spelling
lunch break
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, there are not enough seats for everybody. Lots of students have to find another place
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as the library or the common study
area
Use synonyms
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 have lunch
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, those areas sometimes are
unhygenic
Correct your spelling
unhygienic
 when people spill their food.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are not enough microwaves
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the line waiting to heat up food is enormous. Some end up having cold lunch or choose to bring food that does not require
to be heated
Replace the word
heating
. My suggestion is that our school can extend the cafeteria
area
Use synonyms
 by providing more tables and
chair
Check wording
chairs
show examples
 in the event room next to it. The school can close up that space
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the occasion of an event
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 normal days, we can use that
area
Use synonyms
 for
lunchbreak
Correct your spelling
lunch break
. I hope you find my suggestions
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 and can bring that up in our next month's magazine. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me. I hope to hear from you soon. Yours faithfully, Jules

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task response
Say more about what you like in the cafeteria, as this is part of the task. For example, you could say that the food is good, the staff are kind, or the place is close to your classes.
task response
Make your main problem ideas a little clearer. Explain how more seats and more microwaves would help students at lunch time.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: reason for writing, problems, and ideas. Use fewer linking words such as “however” and “therefore” in the same part, so the text feels more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. The seat problem and the microwave problem are well separated; add one short paragraph about the good parts of the cafeteria before the problems.
language
Check small word forms: write “chairs”, “lunch break”, “hygienic”, “useful”, and “does not need to be heated”.
task response
You clearly explain two real problems: too few seats and too few microwaves. Your plan to use the event room is clear and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is easy to follow, with clear paragraphs and a polite opening and ending.
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