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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

TOPIC: In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

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Introduction
It is evident that currently there are some changes occurring
on
Change preposition
in
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 family structures
as well as
Linking Words
 changing of roles by its members.These changes have both positive and negative
impact
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impacts
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according to
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 my own perception.
Body paragraph 1
During years
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Years
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 back majority of family
set up
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setups
 would have the father being the
bread winner
Correct your spelling
breadwinner
 and making all
provision
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provisions
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 for the family to survive.Men would be found doing all sorts of manual work that
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 one to be physically fit
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whereas
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, whereas
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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women would have their primary role
on
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in
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 raising children.In rare cases
would you
Correct word order
, you would
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 find a woman being employed in the same roles as men
especially
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, especially
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 tasks that require too much manual work.
Body paragraph 2
In
this
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 day
age
Correct word choice
and age
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in
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, in
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 a family
setup
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setup,
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 it has become a common thing to have both father and mother going out to work and in some cases working in the same field.
This
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 has helped
a
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apply
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boost
on
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apply
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the finances as both parents will be bringing their income
in
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into
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 one pool
unlike
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, unlike
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previously
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previously,
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 where only one person
will be
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was
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 employed.
Due to
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high
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the high
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 cost of living in various countries,a single income would be insufficient to sustain the whole family.
Body paragraph 3
Despite affording a comfortable life
due to
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 various streams of income in a family
set up
Correct your spelling
set-up
,
this
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 has
also
Linking Words
 brought some challenges in most families.In most cases where a woman is bringing more
on
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to
show examples
 the table than the man, she can stop being submissive to her husband.Most families have broken down
leaving
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, leaving
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 children suffering
due to
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conflict
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conflicts
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 of
interests
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interest
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 between the parents.
Conclusion
With these changes
happening
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happening,
show examples
 there is a need for families to adjust and
adopt
Use the right word
adapt
show examples
 to new systems so as to create a good balance where all parties are not facing harsh consequences.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task. You explain changes in work roles and family income, then give both good and bad results. To make your view stronger, state clearly in the first paragraph that you think the changes are mostly good, mostly bad, or mixed.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, explain how two working parents can give children better school, food, or health care. Then explain how long work hours can mean less time for children.
task response
Avoid broad claims such as women who earn more may stop being submissive. This idea is not well supported and may sound unfair. Focus instead on shared power, stress, lack of time, or arguments about money and home work.
task response
Add one clear, real-life example. For instance, a couple may share paid work and child care, but they may need help from grandparents or day care when both are at work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: past family roles, present roles, good points, bad points, and a final point. Keep this plan, but make the links between paragraphs clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words more often and more carefully: 'In the past', 'Today', 'As a result', 'However', and 'In conclusion'. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea. For example: 'One positive change is that both parents can earn money.' Then give reasons and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph is too short and does not fully close the essay. End by restating your view and saying why families need to share work, child care, and decisions.
task response
You stay on the topic and discuss both changes in family roles and their good and bad effects.
task response
The point about two incomes helping families meet the high cost of living is clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs follow a sensible time order, moving from family life in the past to family life today.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast well when you move from the good side of more income to the problems that may come with it.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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