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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the last decade, there has been a great increase in global air travel. What do you think are the reasons for this and do you think it is a good thing? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Over the
last
Linking Words
 ten
of
Check wording
years
show examples
period
Punctuation problem
period,
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 world
air
Use synonyms
travels
Check wording
travel
show examples
 has massively increased. With the global economic developments and increment of traveling requirements are mainly causes for
this
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 trend.
Although
Linking Words
this
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 has some
drawbacks
Punctuation problem
drawbacks,
show examples
 I believe
this
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 is a good improvement in
transpotation
Correct your spelling
transportation
. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss the main reasons for
this
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 trend.
Body paragraph 1
Many years
ago
Punctuation problem
ago,
show examples
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 was a thing that only rich
people
Use synonyms
 could do. Mainly
becasue of
Correct your spelling
because
 the cost of
air
Use synonyms
 tickets
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 very high. Because
of
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apply
show examples
many airline services have served as flagship services.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
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 with the arrival of new
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airlines
Punctuation problem
airlines,
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that makes
Verb problem
there is
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 competition inside the airline industry.
Airlines
Use synonyms
companies
Check wording
apply
show examples
move to reduce their prices to compete with other
airlines
Use synonyms
. Not only
that
Punctuation problem
that,
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 originally many
airlines
Use synonyms
 served to fly long distance destinations
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between two major
economical
Replace the word
economic
 capitals.
However
Linking Words
, some
airlines
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
have
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 moved into
fly
Wrong verb form
flying
show examples
 domestically.
Linking Words
this
Verb problem
This is
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also
Linking Words
 another
resons
Correct your spelling
reason
 for
increase
Add an article
the increase
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 demand. Many
people
Use synonyms
are chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 because of its
conviniance
Correct your spelling
convenience
, effectiveness and
afrodebility
Correct your spelling
affordability
.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, traveling from
air
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 is the
most
Rephrase
apply
show examples
safest
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 method in the world. By comparing with other
travel
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 methods
over
Punctuation problem
, over
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 travels made
this
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 records are
prooving
Correct your spelling
proving
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
air
Use synonyms
travels
Check wording
travel
show examples
 saves time massively by reducing the
travel
Use synonyms
 time. Those are the key reasons many
people
Use synonyms
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
air
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travel
Use synonyms
 methods over other options.
Becasue
Correct your spelling
Because
 of
this
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, increase
the
Change preposition
in
show examples
 demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 has become
good
Add an article
a good
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 move.
Conclusion
Finally
Linking Words
,
Despite of
Change preposition
despite
show examples
 having some problems in
air
Use synonyms
 travels increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
air
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 is a
heathly
Correct your spelling
healthy
 move
of traveling
Change preposition
in travelling
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 method helps
people
Use synonyms
 to
travel
Use synonyms
destinations
Change preposition
to destinations
show examples
 faster and
cheeper compaired
Correct your spelling
cheaper compared
 to other travelling methods.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question more fully. You explain why more people fly, but you give only a short view on whether this is good. Add one clear bad point, such as more air pollution, and explain why the good points are still stronger.
task response
Use one or two real examples. For example, say that low-cost airlines can help a family take a holiday or help a worker visit another city in less time.
task response
Make your main ideas clear. Your reasons are lower ticket prices, more local flights, safety, and less travel time. Explain each reason with one or two more sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, reasons for more air travel, why it is good or bad, and conclusion. The second body part should focus on your opinion, not add more reasons only.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear main sentence. For example: “One main reason is that flying is now cheaper.” Then give details and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words in a clear way: “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For this reason,” and “In conclusion.” Do not use “Because of this” when the idea before it is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about low prices and fast travel. Group similar ideas together, then move to a new point.
task response
You give a clear opinion that the rise in air travel is mostly a good change.
task response
You include useful reasons, such as lower prices, more airline choice, safety, and faster travel.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use link words such as “Furthermore,” “Additionally,” and “Finally” to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Disposable income
  • Aviation technology
  • Efficient
  • Proliferation
  • Budget airlines
  • Globalization
  • Tourism
  • Social media
  • Promotional activities
  • Economic development
  • Cultural exchange
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Climate change
  • Over-tourism
  • Local resources
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