IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people believe that technology has made the lives of workers easier whilst other people disagree. To what extent do you agree or disagree

2.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays,
Technology
Use synonyms
 is
hot
Add an article
a hot
show examples
 topic in modern life. Many think
technology
Use synonyms
 makes
Use synonyms
workers
Check wording
workers'
show examples
 lives more convenient
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
other
Replace the word
others
 oppose
this
Linking Words
 statement. I strongly agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the given statement.
Body paragraph 1
Technology
Use synonyms
 has its own benefits on individuals day to day life. Using
technology
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
workers
Punctuation problem
, workers
show examples
 can complete heavy tasks in
fraction
Add an article
a fraction
show examples
 of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 without putting
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 of effort.
For instance
Linking Words
, big machineries finish hard work like digging land or constructing skyscrapers, which is
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 more challenging with only
menpower
Correct your spelling
manpower
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Computer based
Correct your spelling
computer-based
 advanced robots
operates
Correct subject-verb agreement
operate
show examples
 work effectively and
more
Verb problem
are more
show examples
 convenient for
workers
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 can save valuable time and increase work productivity.
For example
Linking Words
,
workers
Use synonyms
 can use robots to
use
Verb problem
handle
show examples
 heavy
load
Check wording
loads
show examples
 and
finishes
Wrong verb form
finish
show examples
 tasks easily without compromising
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
workers
Check wording
workers'
show examples
 health.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
technology
Use synonyms
 has more advantages that
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
Use synonyms
workers
Check wording
workers'
show examples
 lives easier and more productive. That's why I agree to
this
Linking Words
 statement.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: you agree that technology makes work easier. To make the response stronger, explain why some people may disagree, such as job loss or more stress from fast work. Then show why you still agree.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, say how machines reduce hard physical work, and how robots can help keep workers safe. Add one clear result for each example.
task response
Some examples are useful, but make them more exact. Instead of only saying machines dig land, explain that one machine can do work that would take many workers and may reduce injury.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main point. Then give an example and explain it. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words with care, such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'As a result'. Do not repeat the same idea about saving time in both body parts without adding a new point.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
Your points about heavy work, time, and worker health are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to support both main points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: