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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Influence of human on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of biodiversity What are the primary causes of loss of biodiversity? What solution can u suggest

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Introduction
The issue of
influencing of
Replace the word
apply
human on the world`s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 has become a significant concern in recent years. It is widely believed that extinction leads to losses
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 people`s lives.
This
Linking Words
 essay explores the causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem and suggests possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
On
Use the right word
One
show examples
 major cause of loss of
biodiversity
Use synonyms
 is that many people want to earn money, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they start to hunt
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 and sell their skins or organs.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a poor man needs money, he will hunt
animals
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,
such
Linking Words
 as birds, tigers and dogs.
As a result
Linking Words
, many of these
animals
Use synonyms
 will
be extincted
Wrong verb form
become extinct
show examples
. Another main factor is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
deforestation, which leads to
lose
Replace the word
the loss of
 the habitat of many
animals
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, if a type of birds live in the trees at forest,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
deforestation will make these birds lose their habitat.
Body paragraph 2
One possible solution is that the government should ban hunting
animals
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, which would help
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
preserve the
biodiversity
Use synonyms
. Another solution is that the authority should build a protected area for
animals
Use synonyms
, to assist
animals
Use synonyms
 to live without any dangers and to protect
endangared
Correct your spelling
endangered
animals
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
animals
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 live at nature reserve, they will reproduce quickly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, allowing
animals
Use synonyms
 to live at nature reserve not only
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to protect them, but it
also
Linking Words
 can assist
animles
Correct your spelling
animals
 to get food to eat
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, infulencing of human
on
Check wording
influence on
show examples
 the world`s ecosystem
that
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 leading to the extinction of
Use synonyms
biodiversity
Punctuation problem
biodiversity,
show examples
 is a pressing issue. By adopting
to
Check wording
a policy to
show examples
 build a protected area for
animals
Use synonyms
 and ban hunting
animals
Use synonyms
, we can address the root causes and work towards a better outcome.

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task response
Answer both parts with clear main ideas. You give causes and solutions, but explain more fully why each cause leads to loss of many kinds of animals and plants.
task response
Use more exact causes. Hunting and cutting down forests are useful points, but you could also add water and air pollution, climate change, or building roads and homes.
task response
Make the examples more realistic. Dogs are not a strong example of wild animals at risk. Use animals such as elephants, rhinos, or sea turtles.
task response
Explain how each solution will work. For example, say that laws need police checks and fines, and that protected areas need food, space, and guards.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: introduction, causes, solutions, and ending. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Start the first body paragraph with “One major cause” rather than “On major cause”. Then use clear links such as “Another cause”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point. In the solutions paragraph, first explain hunting laws, then explain protected areas in a separate part or paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words and ideas, such as “animals live at nature reserve” and “protect animals”. Use short, direct sentences to make the meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match the body. Name the two causes and the two solutions in a short, clear way.
task response
You answer the question by giving two causes and two possible solutions.
task response
Your ideas about illegal hunting, forest loss, hunting bans, and protected areas are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “For instance”, “As a result”, “Another”, and “Furthermore”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ecosystem
  • extinction
  • biodiversity
  • habitat destruction
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • overexploitation
  • environmental protection
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • conservation
  • wildlife sanctuaries
  • public awareness
  • habitat restoration
What to do next:
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