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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is argued among
university
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 scholars whether
students
Use synonyms
 should learn about other
subjects
Use synonyms
 alongside their primary studies, as these
students
Use synonyms
 take joy in learning new things, or they should focus on studying for a qualification
due to
Linking Words
 its vitality for career success. Personally, I agree with the latter view.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some learners believe they enjoy learning. Since studying something new or diffirent than their main specialization broaden their knowledge and perspectives,
therefore
Linking Words
, it gives them a better understanding of others and the world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is a requirement in some universities for scholars to take a syllabus outside of their major to cultivate other skills the
students
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 may have.
For instance
Linking Words
, several universities in Saudi Arabia ,
such
Linking Words
 as King Saud
University
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, Princess Noura
University
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 and King Fahad
University
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, have adopted
this
Linking Words
 method, as they mandate their
students
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 to take an Arabic syllabus to ensure their capabilities in the language.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that learning about other
subjects
Use synonyms
 can be done within the student's free time.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, focusing on studying for a qualification is essential for career success. Because many workplaces require qualifications when hiring individuals, it ensures their academic credibility and their fitness to do the job.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lot of
university
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 educational programs are difficult or complicated;
thus
Linking Words
, learners need to devote most of their time and attention into studing them, and many individuals fail to balance between studying their main studies and other
subjects
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, which may affect their grades negatively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it might lower their chances in the career market.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that
university
Use synonyms
 scholars should focus on studying for a qualification as it will benefit them when looking for a job, even though they enjoy studying
subjects
Use synonyms
 outside of their major, as it broadens their knowledge and develops their skills.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why a main subject should come first. For example, say how deep study can give better job skills, not only a paper for work.
task response
Your example about Arabic study is useful, but it does not fully show the value of learning a very different subject. Use an example such as an engineering student learning business or a health student learning psychology.
task response
Make your own view more exact. You say students can learn other subjects in free time, but some students may not have much free time. State when extra study is a good idea and when it may harm main study.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, first view, second view, and ending. Keep this plan, but start each main paragraph with a short, direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some links make the meaning less clear. Do not use both “Since” and “therefore” in the same sentence. Write: “Learning new subjects can broaden their knowledge and views.”
coherence and cohesion
Use words in a more exact way. “Scholars” usually means people who do research, not all university students. Use “students” or “learners” throughout.
coherence and cohesion
Check long sentences for grammar and word form. For example, write “different from their main subject broadens their knowledge” and “time and attention to studying them.” Clearer sentences will make your ideas easier to follow.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both sides and give a clear personal view.
task response
The Saudi university example makes the first view more real and shows that you can use a specific case.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are in a logical order, and the ending restates your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” “Moreover,” and “To sum up.”
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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