IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that governments should spend more money on public transport rather than building new roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
In many countries public
transport
Use synonyms
 is the main method for transportation
while
Linking Words
 there are other countreis depends on cars more. I totally agree that
governmemts
Correct your spelling
governments
 should spend more money on public
transport
Use synonyms
 in the countries that depend on public
transport
Use synonyms
 more than cars.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, in my opinion, governments should spend more money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
transports
Check wording
transport
show examples
 because
everyone
Punctuation problem
everyone,
show examples
 whether they are rich or low-income
they
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 will benefit from it. It is a transportation method that
evrey one
Correct your spelling
everyone
 can use it easliy. But the main roads serve those who have cars, and many people cannot afford a car.
For example
Linking Words
, you can see a worker,
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
, CEO, and normal employee on a tube, but you may not see some of them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the roads.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, public transports have more
capicity
Correct your spelling
capacity
 and can reduce a lot of the pressure
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the roads.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, spending more money on public
transport
Use synonyms
 can have an important
economically
Replace the word
economic
 advantage.
For example
Linking Words
, in London there are huge networks of public
transport
Use synonyms
 that benefit the economy of the
city
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; from any place
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
city
Use synonyms
 you can easily reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
city
Use synonyms
 centre, and
this
Linking Words
 feature is very important for things like the
capicity
Correct your spelling
capacity
 of the
city
Use synonyms
 and how the
emloyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 can reach their work easily.
For example
Linking Words
, London
extremely
Verb problem
has extremely
show examples
expand
Wrong verb form
expanded
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 50 years, and the huge
transport
Use synonyms
 networks were the main reason for the
expandibility
Correct your spelling
expansion
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, public
transport
Use synonyms
 is the main
thing
Check wording
aspect
show examples
 of the cities development, and without
it
Add a comma
it,
show examples
 the
expandibility
Correct your spelling
expandability
 of the
city
Use synonyms
 will be limited.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that public transport should get more money. However, your answer limits this view to countries that already use public transport more than cars. Explain more clearly what should happen in places where people use cars most.
task response
Develop each main idea further. For example, explain how better buses and trains help low-income people, cut traffic, and give people more time for work and family.
task response
Your London example is useful, but it needs more detail. Say how a train or tube line helps people travel from outer areas to the city centre, and why this helps jobs and shops.
task response
Answer the comparison in the question more directly. You can say that new roads may be needed in some places, but public transport should get more money because it helps more people at one time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first paragraph state your full opinion in one direct sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: "First, public transport is fairer for all people." Then explain this idea before moving to traffic and road pressure.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using "For example" many times in the same paragraph. Use it once, then add the result with words such as "This means that" or "As a result".
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Write shorter sentences with one main idea in each sentence.
task response
You give a clear opinion and stay on the topic from start to end.
task response
You use relevant ideas about fair access, less traffic, and city growth.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are put in separate paragraphs, so the reader can follow your answer easily.
coherence and cohesion
The London example helps connect your ideas to a real city.
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