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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that it is the best to accept a bad situation,such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discusss both these views and give your own opinion.

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is an argument where one
argue
Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
show examples
 that it is better to accept
life
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
suitation
Check wording
satisfaction
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,
whereas
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,
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apply
show examples
 some argue to try and improve those
suitation
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
I
Correct word choice
but I
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believe on latter view.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, people are accepting
situation
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situations
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 like unsatisfactory
job
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jobs
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 or
shortage
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a shortage
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 of money
due to
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 various reasons,
such
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 as family living conditions, health conditions or lack of better
opportunities
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. There are a lot of people who have to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their family needs
which
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, which
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 are forcing them to be in those awful
Use synonyms
suitation
Check wording
situations
show examples
.
For example
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, my father had to work in a place where there
was
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were
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 no better
opportunities
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 for him
and
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, and
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also
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 he was
no
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not
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 satisfied with his job for
upbringing
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the upbringing
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 of
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this
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these
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 two daughters and to run his family
life
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, it is better to try to improve your
life
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Use synonyms
suitation
Correct your spelling
situation
 rather than being stuck on those. It will not just improve your
life
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opprtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 but
also
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 make you happy and healthy. As
,
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apply
show examples
 those unsatisfactory can lead to mental stress. As
,
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apply
show examples
 there is
an
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apply
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evidence
according to
Linking Words
 research on employee where unsatisfactory jobs lead to poor mental health.
For example
Linking Words
, nurses working in developing countries are paid less with
awful
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an awful
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 work environment have moved to developed countries like
UK
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the UK
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, USA for better
opportunities
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 and
better
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a better
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life
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 not just for themselves, but for their families as well.
Conclusion
In conclusion, people accepted those bad
Use synonyms
suitation
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suits
show examples
 for different reasons, but it is better to try
and
Correct word choice
to
show examples
 improve those
Use synonyms
suitation
Check wording
suits
show examples
 for better
opportunities
Use synonyms
 and better health.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Make your own view stronger by saying clearly why trying to make life better is the best choice.
task response
Give more detail for each main idea. For example, explain how a person can look for a new job, learn new skills, or plan how to save money.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but the first example needs a clearer link to the point. Explain why your father could not leave the job and what he did to improve his life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. Instead of starting many sentences with 'As', use words such as 'This is because', 'As a result', 'However', and 'For this reason'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. In the first body paragraph, first explain why people accept bad jobs, then give one example that shows this.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words, such as 'situation', 'better opportunities', and 'awful'. Use simple other words like 'problem', 'choice', 'work', or 'future'.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you present both sides and state your own opinion.
task response
The nurse example is clear and closely linked to job pay, work conditions, and a better life.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will do, and the conclusion gives a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
Using 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'In conclusion' helps show the order of your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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