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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is a view that
success
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 depends on serendipity. I agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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luck
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 in some cases may influence future career
path
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, alongside
a
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apply
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hard
work
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. The combination of
luck
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 and hard
work
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 matters a lot for
the
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apply
show examples
future life
success
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, the discovery of America is an outcome of determination and
luck
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. Columbus, the man and traveller who accidentally found
America
Replace the word
the American
 continent
while
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 sailing towards India.
This
Linking Words
 discovery was not a deliberate intention.
Liittle
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Little
 did he
realised
Wrong verb form
realise
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that he headed a new
Iland
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island
, which would
further
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 be inhabited by human
civilization
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civilisation
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 as we know it today.
As a result
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 of
it
Correct determiner usage
its
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 discovery, Columbus illustrated the relevance of
luck
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 with respect to life
success
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.
Body paragraph 2
Despite the occasional event,
however
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, the hard
work
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 has a strong influence on
the
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a
show examples
 human’s
success
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.
For example
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, Cristiano Ronaldo is a professional football player
,
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apply
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 who gained his skills and achieved plenty of rewards through
the
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apply
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hard
work
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 and discipline. Once, the football player shared
Body paragraph 3
about his
path
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 to the professional, telling about a strict diet that keeps him in shape, regular trainings and
the
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apply
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working on mistakes.
As a result
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 of these continuous accomplishments, Cristiano Ronaldo managed to get out of poverty and build one of the most successful
career
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careers
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 in the world.
This
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reinforce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reinforces
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 the idea that becoming a successful person
is required
Wrong verb form
requires
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 maintained
work
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the
path
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 to
success
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 entirely depends on the mix of
the
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apply
show examples
hard
work
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 and determination. As
an
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apply
show examples
examples were Columbus
who
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, who
show examples
 by accident
have
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apply
show examples
discovered a new island
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 Cristiano Ronaldo’s career
path
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 to
success
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view more direct. You say you agree, but you also say hard work matters. State clearly if luck is mostly important, or if luck and hard work are equally important.
task response
Explain more why luck is not the main cause of success. Your Ronaldo example is useful, but add how his daily work, skill, and long-term effort led to his success.
task response
Use examples that fit the question closely. Columbus was lucky to find America, but this does not clearly show that he achieved his own aim, because his aim was to reach India.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Make the link between each part stronger by using clear opening sentences, such as “Luck can help, but it is not enough” and “Hard work is usually more important.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same idea in each paragraph. The first body part moves from chance to Columbus’s discovery, but it needs a final sentence that clearly links the example back to success and aims.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Despite the occasional event” is not clear here. Try simple links such as “However,” “For this reason,” and “In contrast.”
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, repeat your exact view in a clear way. Do not say success “entirely depends” on luck and hard work if your earlier view says luck only matters in some cases.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic by talking about luck and hard work.
task response
The example of Ronaldo is clear and relevant to the idea that long-term work can lead to success.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, separate body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, including “To begin with,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • diligence
  • consistent effort
  • inherent talent
  • honing skills
  • external factors
  • upbringing
  • social connections
  • economic background
  • right place at the right time
  • contributing factor
  • conjunction
  • success
  • achievements
  • endeavors
  • fortune
  • serendipity
  • determinants
  • efficacy
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