IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that economic growth is the only way to end poverty and hunger in the world, while others say that economic growth is causing damage to the environment and should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In modern society, economic
growth
Use synonyms
 has become an important topic.
However
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is difficult . Personally, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because it prevents
poverty
Use synonyms
 and protects life.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain the key information and the main reasons for my opinion.
Hence
Linking Words
, both points have significant points.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, in terms of the advantages,
first,
Linking Words
preventing
poverty
Use synonyms
 is the main reason.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the positive tips.
In other words
Linking Words
, it can help
people
Use synonyms
 to have a home.
For example
Linking Words
,
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
 home.
According to
Linking Words
 the Kuwait
Growth
Use synonyms
 Report, 90% of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer it.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
people
Use synonyms
 become happy.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the main report,
second,
Linking Words
protecting life is another major reason.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
several
show examples
 significant points.
In other words
Linking Words
, it protects
people
Use synonyms
 from environmental change.
For example
Linking Words
, it can protect
people
Use synonyms
 from cold weather.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
, in terms of the disadvantages, there are major drawbacks. Changing the natural view is the main issue.
This
Linking Words
 can damage the main life.
In other words
Linking Words
, it can damage the main location.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can increase
poverty
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, it can prevent natural
growth
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will decrease the outcome and income.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
according to
Linking Words
 the main reports, in terms of advantages and disadvantages,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that economic
growth
Use synonyms
 has significant benefits.
This
Linking Words
 is because it can stop
poverty
Use synonyms
 and can save
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 .
Although
Linking Words
 it has many disadvantages, it has many advantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Discuss both views in a clear way. Explain how growth can cut poverty and hunger, but also how it can harm air, water, land, and the climate. Your own view should say if growth should continue with rules, or if it should stop.
task response
Give full reasons for each main point. Do not write general lines such as “positive tips” or “significant points”. Say what jobs, pay, food, farms, roads, or health care can do for poor people.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The Kuwait report is not explained, so it does not help your point. A better example is: new jobs can give poor families money to buy food, but factories can make air and water dirty if there are no rules.
coherence and cohesion
Make one clear plan: introduction; one paragraph for growth and poverty; one paragraph for harm to the environment; one paragraph with your view; conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. Some ideas in the essay are too short or do not link well, such as protecting people from cold weather.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links with care: “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not repeat “This is due to” and “In other words” when they do not add meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Make your view the same from start to end. The first paragraph says you agree with a view, but it is not clear which view. The end says growth can save the environment, but the essay does not fully show how.
task response
You try to cover both the good and bad sides of economic growth, and you give your own view at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. You also use some linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “However”, and “In conclusion”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: