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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays, many people rely on the internet and mobile devices to complete daily tasks such as banking, shopping, and communication. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
The digital revolution has fundamentally reshaped human existence, with an increasing proportion of the global population relying on the internet and smart devices to perform routine activities
such
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 as financial transactions, commerce, and interpersonal communication.
While
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this
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 shift is not entirely devoid of drawbacks, I firmly believe that its benefits substantially outweigh its potential shortcomings.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, critics argue that excessive dependence on digital
technology
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 can precipitate negative social and health outcomes. Chief among these concerns is the sedentary lifestyle associated with prolonged screen time, which frequently contributes to physical health issues
such
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 as obesity, cardiovascular problems, and posture deterioration.
Furthermore
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, as face-to-face interactions are increasingly superseded by virtual exchanges, individuals—particularly younger generations—may suffer from reduced interpersonal social skills and heightened feelings of isolation. Despite the validity of these concerns, these risks stem primarily from the misuse of
this
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technology
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 rather than the
technology
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 itself, and can be effectively mitigated through self-regulation and healthy lifestyle choices.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the transformative benefits of digital integration in daily life are undeniable. Paramount among these is unprecedented convenience and time efficiency. Tasks that once necessitated hours of physical travel and standing in long queues,
such
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 as managing bank accounts or purchasing groceries, can now be accomplished within a few taps on a mobile screen.
This
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 shift frees up invaluable time for individuals to focus on professional
endeavors
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endeavours
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, education, or family life.
Moreover
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, the ubiquity of digital platforms has democratized access to services, fostering economic inclusivity for populations in remote regions who previously lacked access to conventional brick-and-mortar institutions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 the proliferation of digital devices and internet reliance poses legitimate challenges regarding physical health and face-to-face social engagement, these issues are far outweighed by the immense advantages.
This
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technology
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 provides unparalleled efficiency, accessibility, and convenience, ultimately enhancing the
overall
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 quality of modern life.

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task response
Your answer clearly says that the good points are stronger than the bad points, and you keep this view from start to end. To make it even stronger, add one short real-life example, such as a person in a small town using mobile banking when there is no bank nearby.
task response
The ideas are clear and well explained. You could make the link to the question even more direct by naming all three areas again: banking, shopping, and communication.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a very clear order: introduction, bad points, good points, and conclusion. Each paragraph has one main idea, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, especially “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”. You can also use a few simpler links, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Because of this”, to make some sentences feel more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and use many formal words. Break a few of them into two shorter sentences so the meaning is even clearer and easier to read.
task response
You fully answer the question and give a clear opinion: the advantages are greater than the disadvantages.
task response
You discuss both sides fairly. The bad points include health and social issues, while the good points include saving time and helping people far from services.
coherence and cohesion
The main points follow a logical order, and the conclusion clearly repeats your overall view.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph starts with a clear main point and then explains it well.
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