Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. discuss both sides of the arguments and then give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In the modern era, it's undeniable that computers are used in a wide range of today's teaching systems. Some people believe that
this
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can improve
students
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' knowledge,
while
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other thinking about its negative effect on learners' minds. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both the views and give my opinion
at the end
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many schoolchild use electronic devices in their daily life, which is a good source of knowledge.
In addition
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, schoolchildren can access the information anytime, and it can improve their critical thinking by using a computing
system
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for their studies.
While
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the traditional teaching
system
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is limited to the classroom only, the computing-based
system
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is available anytime and anywhere.
Also
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, it can improve pupils' grasping quality. It can not only educate
students
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from a wide range of resources but
also
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through its videos, which help them to learn quickly.
For example
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,
students
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who learn from the computer in their daily life have a diverse area of vocabulary to access for their studies.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are so many person who think about the negative effect on their minds after using a desktop for a long time.
Due to
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the increasing use of desktops in their education, many
students
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feel distinct from other people.
Moreover
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, it can affect the socialisation ability and confidence of the learners. Many parents prefer the traditional coaching method, which can improve the face-to-face communication skills of their child.
For example
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, in South Korea,
students
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have in-room conversation sessions to improve their bond with each other and problem-solving ability.
Conclusion
In a nutshell,
while
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traditional method enhance their ability to connect with other people, information-based education systems educate them from wild range of resources. I strongly believe that computers are essential in the education
system
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, but you should put some limitations on accessing
this
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everyday.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task: you show both sides and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why computers help learning and why too much use may harm social skills.
task response
Your main view is clear at the end, but say it in a more direct way. For example: computers should be used in schools, but teachers and parents should limit screen time.
task response
Some examples are not fully clear or well linked to the point. The South Korea example needs more detail: say how these talks help students work with others after time on computers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, positive side, negative side, and ending. Keep each body part focused on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, use 'This means that', 'As a result', and 'However' to show how one sentence leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some words are unclear or do not fit the idea, such as 'grasping quality', 'distinct from other people', and 'in-room conversation sessions'. Use simple, direct words so the reader can follow your meaning easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending more exact. It should repeat your view and briefly state the two main reasons, rather than only compare the two systems.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of computer use in education, and you give your own view.
task response
The positive side includes useful ideas such as easy access to information, learning at any time, and video learning.
coherence and cohesion
The four-part essay shape is easy to follow, with clear opening phrases for each side and a final summary.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'Moreover', and 'For example' to guide the reader.
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