IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Your local community centre needs improvements. Write to the person in charge. Explain what you like about the centre. Describe what should be improved. Suggest how the improvements would help residents.

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Dear Mr John, I am writing about your local community centre; it needs some improvements. I like many things about your local community centre, including the parking, garden, and
security
Use synonyms
. The parking is wide, the garden has many plants and green grass, and the
security
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 is very helpful, especially during the midnight services.
First,
Linking Words
I think that the walls need repairing and painting in white and blue in the garden.
Second,
Linking Words
the main entrance needs a modern
security
Use synonyms
 system, including a rapid alarm system, and the entrance height needs to be higher.
Finally
Linking Words
, these improvements would attract more residents to your community, strengthen relationships among residents, and provide better
security
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 against thieves and unwanted visitors. Yours sincerely, Saif

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task response
You answer all parts of the task. Add more clear detail about why each change is needed and how it will help local people.
task response
Some ideas need clearer meaning. For example, explain why the entrance should be higher and what kind of people will use it.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end. Use linking words such as “Also”, “For this reason”, and “As a result” to join ideas more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph about one main point. Put the wall and garden ideas in one paragraph, and put all entrance and safety ideas in another.
task response
You clearly say what you like, what should change, and how the changes can help local people.
coherence and cohesion
The greeting and closing are polite, and words such as “First”, “Second”, and “Finally” make the order easy to follow.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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