Some people believe that governments should spend more money on public services such as healthcare and education, while others think that investing in technology is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no denying the fact that public authorities need to decide how to spend their money effectively.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that the authorities should invest more in public services
such
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as healthcare and education, there is
also
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an argument that spending on technology is more important. In my opinion, I consider that public onset should be prioritised. On the one hand, many people argue that investing in the medical sector and scholarship is more essential for building a more advanced and productive society.
In addition
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, investing in education equips individuals with the necessary skills and knowledge to contribute effectively to national development.
For example
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, countries that allocate a significant portion of their budget to schooling,
such
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as Finland, tend to produce highly skilled graduates who drive innovation and economic growth.
On the other hand
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, others believe that public authorities should allocate more funding to technological development, as it plays a more significant role in modern societies. It is
also
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possible to say that investing in technology enhances efficiency and innovation across multiple sectors, allowing the state to provide faster and more effective facilities.
For example
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, the use of artificial intelligence in countries like South Korea has improved healthcare systems by enabling faster diagnoses and more accurate treatments. In conclusion,
although
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investing in technology offers numerous advantages, particularly in improving efficiency and innovation, I firmly believe that greater emphasis should be placed on public services
such
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as healthcare and education.
This
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is because these sectors play a fundamental role in enhancing people’s quality of life and ensuring long-term social stability.
Therefore
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, governments should prioritise these essential areas
while
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also
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maintaining a balanced approach to technological development.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in paragraph 1. The line 'public onset should be prioritised' is not clear. Say 'public services should be a higher priority' instead.
task response
Explain both sides a bit more. You give good points, but some ideas are short and could be developed more.
task response
Use words in a more exact way. 'scholarship' does not fit here; 'education' is better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. To improve more, make the link between ideas smoother with simple linking words like 'first', 'also', and 'as a result'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are clear, but a few word choices make the meaning hard to follow. Check each sentence to see if it says exactly what you mean.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with one more short reason or result. This will make your paragraphs stronger and easier to follow.
task response
You answer both views and give your opinion clearly.
task response
You use relevant examples like Finland and South Korea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow.
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