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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast food. Some people think this is harmful for both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

8.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is often claimed that the spread of burger and pizza chains at the expense of local dishes damages both the family and the wider community.
While
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 I accept that fast food offers convenience to busy people, I largely agree with
this
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 view because it harms health and erodes the shared meals that hold households and cultures together.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, the case for international chains is not without merit. The most obvious point is time, since a working couple in Casablanca who return home at eight o'clock can feed their children in minutes
instead
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 of spending an hour over a tagine. In Morocco,
for instance
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, the first global outlets opened near offices and universities, where students and employees wanted something quick and cheap.
Such
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 restaurants
also
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 create jobs for young people, so they bring some economic benefit.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, the long-term costs outweigh
this
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 convenience. The most important reason is health, given that meals built around fried meat, white bread and sugary drinks are directly linked to obesity and diabetes. If a family eats
this
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 way three times a week, the children grow up with habits that hospitals will later have to treat. Doctors in Rabat,
for example
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, report that cases of diabetes among teenagers have doubled within a generation, and,
consequently
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, the public health budget is under growing strain. A second harm of the same trend is cultural, as a couscous prepared and eaten together on Friday teaches patience, conversation and respect for elders,
whereas
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 a takeaway eaten in front of a screen teaches nothing.
Moreover
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, when
such
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 traditions fade, the recipes behind them disappear too. In my view,
therefore
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, governments and parents should limit fast food and protect family cooking.
Conclusion
In conclusion, international chains save time and provide work, yet they weaken bodies and loosen the bonds between generations. On balance, their rise is harmful for families and society alike.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: you agree that this change is harmful. To make the answer even stronger, say more about how fast food can change society outside the home, such as local food shops, farms, or shared public life.
task response
Your main ideas are well explained. The health point has a clear chain: fast food leads to poor habits, then illness, then more cost for hospitals. Keep using this kind of clear cause and result.
task response
The example about Morocco makes the ideas feel real. Be careful with facts such as the rise in teen diabetes unless you can clearly show they are true. You can also use a less exact example, such as 'in many cities,' if needed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. Each paragraph has one main job: the other side, health and culture, then the final view. This helps the reader understand your answer quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as 'Admittedly,' 'Nevertheless,' 'Moreover,' and 'In conclusion' guide the reader well. Do not add too many more; the links already feel natural.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph has two big points, health and culture. You could put them in two separate paragraphs. This would give each point more space and make the flow even clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main view in a clear way. It also sums up both sides: time and work on one hand, health and family ties on the other.
task response
You answer the whole question and clearly show that you mostly agree. You also give a fair point for fast food before explaining why its harm is greater.
task response
The ideas are strong and well chosen: speed for busy parents, jobs for young people, health problems, and the loss of family food time.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear map of the essay, and the final paragraph brings the main points together well.
coherence and cohesion
Examples are placed after the main ideas, so they support your points instead of taking over the essay.
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