IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that globalisation is causing countries to lose their unique cultural identities, while others argue that it encourages cultural exchange and understanding. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is argued that
globalisation
Use synonyms
 can gradually cause losing cutural characteristics among
countries
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is believed that it promotes better understanding in different cultures and
exchange
Correct subject-verb agreement
exchanges
show examples
 cultural values. In my view,
globalisation
Use synonyms
 can encourage cultural differences awareness and lead to living
together
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 harmony.
Body paragraph 1
As reported in
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
,
globalisation
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 can influence shifts in
cultural
Add an article
the cultural
show examples
 traits of
countries
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. With the increasing usage of social media, more and more young
people
Use synonyms
proritise
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 the global trends, causing ignorance in their own traditional practices.
For instance
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, in the past,
Songkran
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the Songkran
show examples
 festival, one of the most
renounced
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renowned
show examples
 religious-social activities in Thailand, used to be the moment when
people
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 gathered
for making
Wrong verb form
to make
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 merit at temples.
Instead
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, many
people
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 recognise
this
Linking Words
 as a
water-playing
Replace the word
water-play
 music festival.
This
Linking Words
 becomes gradually detrimental to Thai-traditional practices, especially, young
people
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 won't have a touch at the authenticity and eventually lose
sense
Add an article
a sense
show examples
 of belonging.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, as the world
driven
Verb problem
is driven
show examples
 by economic activities,
globalisation
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 is unavoidable in many
countries
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. It even brings
people
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who live far apart and in different
countries
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
being close
Replace the word
closer
 to each other with the help of technology.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 will get chances to acknowledge other cultural practices and accept the differences.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
enhances
Use the right word
encourages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to preserve and express their cultural identities
Body paragraph 3
in a new way that
appropriate
Verb problem
is appropriate
show examples
 to their generations.
For example
Linking Words
, young
people
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 and tourists who visit Thai royal temples tend to dress in Thai traditional
costume
Check wording
costumes
show examples
 for pictures
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 activity doesn't mean they destroy Thai cultures, but preserve
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 in their own way.
Conclusion
It is true that
globalisation
Use synonyms
 has an unavoidable impact on national-cultural identities.
This
Linking Words
 can cause the
losing on
Replace the word
loss of
 cultures and
lose
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
sense
Check wording
loss of a sense
show examples
 of belonging among
people
Use synonyms
 in
countries
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.
However
Linking Words
,
globalisation
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encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to preserve their own identities by adapting
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
 to meet their needs.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why each point matters. For example, say how old customs may fade when young people copy world trends, and how sharing culture can help people respect each other.
task response
Your Thailand examples are clear and useful. Add one short example from another country, or explain the wider result of the Thai example. This would make your ideas feel less limited to one place.
task response
Keep your own view clear from the start to the end. You say globalisation can help people live in harmony, but the last paragraph could link this more directly to cultural exchange and respect.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example, write: “However, globalisation can also have a positive effect.” Then explain cultural exchange. This will make the move to the second main point smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not natural. For example, change “as the world driven by economic activities” to “as the world is driven by economic activity.” Shorter sentences will make your meaning clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. In the second body paragraph, first explain how people learn about other cultures, then explain how they may show their own culture in new ways. Add a link such as “As a result” before the second idea.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: cultural loss, cultural exchange, and your own view.
task response
The Songkran example clearly shows how a custom can change over time.
coherence and cohesion
The main paragraphs are in a sensible order, and the final paragraph gives a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However”, “Therefore”, and “Moreover” help show the links between some ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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