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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
In today’s world, numerous countries try to develop their
technology
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 in order to make residents’ lives easier. Because of the technological revolution, traditional
methods
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 and
skills
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 make no sense to use any more.
However
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, some
people
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 try to keep them alive for different purposes. I strongly agree that it is useless to keep them alive, and in
this
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 essay, I will give reasons why I am keen on that approach.
Body paragraph 1
Technologies undoubtedly surpass traditional
methods
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. They develop day by day and become smarter and stronger every time.
For instance
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,
people
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 who gather fruits and vegetables can be replaced by robotic machines that gather the same amount of food in far less time. Some
people
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 can argue that it may harm the fruits or destroy the plants, but it is a fact that old workplaces are being replaced by
technology
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 try to remember or take notes from something or from somewhere to remember,
while
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 now,
people
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 just take photos with their smartphones and do not pay attention to them.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 do not accept that
technology
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 has developed too much to replace human
skills
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 and
methods
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.
For example
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, a teacher can give an explanation to a certain problem very easily and clearly,
while
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 Artificial Intelligence can explain the same task with difficulty.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 find that keeping old traditional
methods
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 and
skills
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 is important to save humanity from becoming obsolete. They fear that technological development would become a major danger to
people
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, as they have reasons to think that way.
For instance
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, nobody in the past could predict that our current technological progress would be so rapid that the jobs that require 3 months of hard work can be done by Artificial Intelligence within seconds.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
technology
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 is replacing all the traditional
methods
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 and
skills
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 that are known to mankind.
Although
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 it has many disadvantages, I believe that it is more beneficial for
people
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 to follow technological progress rather than to use traditional ways of life.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that it is not useful to keep old skills and ways of life. However, some parts of the essay do not fully support this view. For example, the teacher and AI point shows that human skills can still be better. Explain why this does not change your main view, or use a different point.
task response
Give more direct reasons for why old skills should not be kept. You could say that they take more time, cost more money, or cannot meet the needs of modern life. Then explain each reason fully.
task response
Some examples are too broad. The robot farm example is useful, but explain how it links to traditional skills and ways of life. The photo example is less clear because taking notes is not a traditional way of life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. Make the second body part clearer: say that this is the other side, then show why you still disagree with it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “however”, “moreover”, and “for example” are used, but some links do not show a clear step in the idea. Put each main idea in one paragraph and add a short first sentence that states that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “people” and “technology” many times. Use simple other words such as “workers”, “machines”, “these tools”, or “this change” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep one main view from the start to the end.
task response
You include both the good side of technology and the fears people may have about it.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly tells the reader what the essay will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to your main view and gives the essay a clear close.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Efficiency
  • Global connectivity
  • Cultural identity
  • Diversity
  • Innovation
  • Coexist
  • Sustainable
  • Eco-friendly
  • Energy-intensive
  • Practical skills
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Homogenize
  • Preservation
  • Global diversity
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