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Writing Samples
Band 6

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others are of the opinion that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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Introduction
It is often argued that directors of large organisations should earn more than their employees. Others,
however
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, believe that they should not earn more than ordinary workers and think that it is unfair.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons why people support the view that earning a lot of money for the CEO is necessary. One main reason is that the office work mainly includes a hierarchy.
This
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 means that if
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ordinary people want a higher salary, they will try to climb the career ladder and will try to get their manager's place.
According to
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this
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 reason, they will find inspiration and be more motivated for future plans.
In addition
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, the managers generally solve more complex task which other cannot overcome without challenges, which
further
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 strengthens
this
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 viewpoint.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, many people argue that the directors must have the same salary as their workers.
This
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 view is based on the belief that several new companies support communist ideas and prefer to pay everyone a similar salary.
As a result
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, mostly in the new business which choose
this
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 statement after a
while
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 will get closed. Because
,
Punctuation problem
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 even if they have a great relationship between employees, they do not have a competitive environment to boost their skills to another level. From my perspective, the first statement has more advantages than the second one, because in my opinion , a job is the place where you must develop yourself to earn a huge amount of money.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 both views have their own merits, I believe that the hierarchy of the work is the strongest way to manage staff which under your responsibility.
Overall
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,
this
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 approach is more beneficial in the long term.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, but your ideas need to be clearer. Explain why high pay is needed for leaders, and why some people see it as unfair.
task response
Your point about workers trying to get a manager’s job is not fully clear. Say how higher pay can help a company get and keep skilled leaders.
task response
The part about new companies and communist ideas is not well linked to the question. Use a more direct point, such as the idea that very large pay gaps can make workers feel less valued.
task response
Add one clear example. For example, a director may make big choices about jobs, money, and the future of the company, while workers may feel unhappy if the pay gap is too large.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. However, some ideas do not follow each other well. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and explain it before moving on.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “This is because…”, “As a result…”, “However…”, and “For this reason…”. Make sure each link shows the right relation.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to understand, such as “the office work mainly includes a hierarchy” and “which under your responsibility.” Use short, direct sentences to make your meaning clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion should restate your view more directly. Say that directors should earn more, but the gap should be fair and based on their duties and results.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and state your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall form, with an introduction, body paragraphs for each side, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compensation
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • specialized skills
  • investment
  • income disparity
  • undervalued
  • demotivated
  • excessive compensation
  • misallocation of resources
  • pay ratio
  • motivated workforce
  • financial success
  • performance
  • contribute
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