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Writing Samples
Band 4

Students who are given grades work harder than those who do not. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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Introduction
A new debate on how
grades
Use synonyms
 affect
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 individual to be a hard worker or not. We all agree that learning is beneficial for ourselves & the next
generations
Punctuation problem
generations,
show examples
 that result in a developed country in all
life aspects
Correct word order
aspects of life
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that if a younger person is well educated & achieves
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
Use synonyms
grades
Punctuation problem
grades,
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this
Linking Words
 will result in a beneficial way.
Body paragraph 1
Students who receive a high score in schools means that they study more & play less which support the process of how to be a persistent human-being, The reason behind
this
Linking Words
 is that if he didn'
t
Use synonyms
 focus on his
grades
Use synonyms
 he won'
t
Use synonyms
 be able to reach what he aim to be in the future
such
Linking Words
 as doctors or architects who studied harder to arrive at the final destination they require & be a beneficial human to himself & the culture.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is similar to equations that
states
Correct subject-verb agreement
state
show examples
 if you do one
thing
Punctuation problem
thing,
show examples
 you will receive the other thing & no one denies that hard work always pays off.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we can highlight that if the person is resilient, doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 care & pays attention to his education
journey
Punctuation problem
journey,
show examples
 he won'
t
Use synonyms
 be able to develop his life & get a remarkable stage in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, a child who has weak
grades
Use synonyms
 in school requires deep
maintaining
Replace the word
maintenance
 on his learning process to allow him
move
Verb problem
to move
show examples
 forward to the next year & prevent him from being expelled from the school &
be a non-educated
Wrong verb form
becoming an uneducated
show examples
 individual
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as singers or football players.
Conclusion
Eventually, it's a consensus that education is primary in any community & creates
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
robust characters that
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a significant role in any life stage &
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 has its
conesquences
Correct your spelling
consequences
 based on the main factor
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 means that if a child
studied
Wrong verb form
studies
show examples
well
Punctuation problem
well,
show examples
 he will receive
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 result
what
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 he did previously.

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task response
State your view in one clear sentence: you agree, disagree, or agree only in part. Keep this same view in every paragraph. Your essay says grades help, but it also talks about students with weak grades, so the main answer is not fully clear.
task response
Explain the key point more directly: grades may make students work harder because they show progress, set a goal, and can lead to places at good schools or jobs. Then explain how each example proves this point.
task response
Use real and clear examples. Do not say that people with weak grades may become singers or football players. This is unfair and does not prove your idea. Instead, describe one student who studies more after seeing a low grade and improves in the next test.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction with your view; first reason and example; second reason and example; conclusion. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea. The first body paragraph can focus on grades as a goal. The second can focus on grades as feedback. Do not mix school, jobs, and personal success in the same long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter sentences. Some sentences are hard to follow because they have many ideas joined by “&”. Use full stops and simple linking words such as “For example”, “Also”, “However”, and “As a result”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid broad opening ideas about the country and future generations unless you connect them clearly to grades. Start with the question and answer it at once.
task response
You give a clear general idea that hard work in school can help students reach future goals.
task response
You try to support your view with examples of jobs that need much study, such as doctors and architects.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a final paragraph, so the reader can see its basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, including “Therefore”, “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “For instance”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tangible goals
  • measurable target
  • concrete sense of achievement
  • feedback mechanism
  • strengths and weaknesses
  • competition
  • incentive
  • outperform
  • scholarships
  • future opportunities
  • self-esteem
  • personal satisfaction
  • external pressure
  • societal expectations
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