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Writing Samples
Band 7

(CGPT) Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Social media
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 become a routine way to maintain relationships and follow current events.
Although
Linking Words
 their use creates serious risks, I believe the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because these platforms help people preserve personal connections and gain access to valuable information.
Body paragraph 1
The risks deserve serious attention, particularly for younger users. Cyberbullying,
for instance
Linking Words
, can follow a student beyond the classroom when abusive posts are repeatedly shared with a large audience. Australia's restrictions on accounts for under-16s on certain platforms reflect concern about
such
Linking Words
 harm. Digital literacy education, effective reporting tools and prompt action by platforms are
therefore
Linking Words
 essential. Together, these measures can help reduce exposure to abuse
while
Linking Words
 preserving the
benefits
Use synonyms
 of online participation.
Body paragraph 2
The everyday
benefits
Use synonyms
 are substantial. Friends and relatives living far apart can share photographs and updates, remaining involved in one another's lives. For someone moving abroad for work or study,
this
Linking Words
 ongoing contact can make separation easier and maintain an important support network. Social media
also
Linking Words
distribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
distributes
show examples
 information beyond existing personal and geographical networks. A rural student,
for example
Linking Words
, may discover a scholarship through a university's official account or learn about a job opening in a distant city. Reliable news organisations can
similarly
Linking Words
 bring timely updates to audiences who might
otherwise
Linking Words
 miss them. These connections can expand people's educational, professional and social choices.
Conclusion
Despite the seriousness of the risks, I give greater weight to the broad and continuing
benefits
Use synonyms
 of connection and access to information. Improving users'
judgement
Correct your spelling
judgment
 and platform safeguards can help preserve those
benefits
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 reducing the harm associated with misuse.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it even stronger, say more about why the good points are greater than the harm, not only that the harm can be made less.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit the topic. You could add one short example of false news or too much time online, then explain why the good use of social media is still more important.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: risks, good points, then your final view. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “Although”, “For instance”, “also”, and “Despite”, help the reader follow your ideas. Do not add too many more linking words, as the flow is already natural.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part has many good ideas. You could split it into two parts: one about keeping in touch and one about news, study, and work. This would make each main point stand out more.
task response
You answer the full question and clearly say that the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
The points about friends and family far away, study chances, work, and news are useful, clear, and well linked to your view.
coherence and cohesion
Each part has one clear job, and the final part returns to your main view in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Your examples come after the main ideas, so the reader can easily see how they support your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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