IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people around the world use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, many people use social media to keep in touch with anyone they know , but of course, anything has advantages and disadvantages. So,
this
Linking Words
 essay will describe that.
Body paragraph 1
Using these methods is extremely good for
this
Linking Words
 generation, but there is a problem. The problem is that society or the majority are using these methods incorrectly, because they watch a lot of useless things, I mean , clearly, our generation doesn't use it well. We can notice how our kids are really losing their time. So, we need to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think using social media for keeping in touch is great , but it is good to make connections with people who are of your age, I mean, before you can contact and speak to your neighbours, even though they are older than you, but now you don't do that because you just talk to your classmates or your friend in school via social media
Body paragraph 3
. And when you travel far away, you can talk to them
while
Linking Words
 you are far from them.
Body paragraph 4
And events are not really important. So,
as a consequence
Linking Words
, based on
these informations
Rephrase
this information
, I think the advantages can't outweigh the disadvantages.
Conclusion
In conclusion, everything has two sides, one is darkness or light, and
then
Linking Words
 you choose which side you go by yourself.
Also
Linking Words
, I hope that our generation will see my opinion and think about it, as they think about games.
Overall
Linking Words
, now I'm wondering about your opinion. What is it?

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your main answer clearly in the first paragraph. Say if the good sides are more important than the bad sides, and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Give two clear main ideas: one good side and one bad side. Explain each idea with a real or simple example, such as talking to family far away or spending too much time on short videos.
task response
Talk about both parts of the question: keeping in touch with people and getting news. The essay says very little about news events.
task response
Do not add ideas that are not needed, such as asking the reader for their opinion. End by restating your own answer.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, good sides, bad sides, and conclusion. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. Then add an explanation and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a clear way, such as “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Avoid repeating “I mean” and “but” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long or unclear. Make them shorter. For example, write: “Many children waste time watching videos. This can harm their study and sleep.”
task response
You give a clear general view that social media can help people stay in touch, especially when they are far away.
task response
You also point out a real bad side: some young people spend too much time on things that do not help them.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to show both sides of the topic by using ideas such as “On the other hand” and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global village
  • real-time communication
  • cyberbullying
  • digital marketing
  • networking
  • data breach
  • misinformation
  • social media platforms
  • user engagement
  • privacy settings
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • virtual relationships
  • infodemic
  • echo chamber
What to do next:
Look at other essays: