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Band 6

Some people believe that students should study online from home, while others think that studying at school or university is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that studying at
home
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 is much better than going to
university
Use synonyms
 or
school
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.
However
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, most of the
people
Use synonyms
 prefer that going to
school
Use synonyms
 or
university
Use synonyms
 is extremely better than staying at
home
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons why
people
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 should study at
home
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 or at a
university
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 or
school
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, numerous
students
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 would rather stay at
home
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 and do online.
First,
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one of the main reasons is that
students
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 will save enough time.
Such
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 as using transport, looking for a parking space to park their car.
Therefore
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,
students
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 can save money and time.
Second,
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studying at
home
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 offers the
students
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 to study anytime and anywhere.
Moreover
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, the lessons are recorded online, so
students
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 can watch them again.
For example
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,
students
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 can take the class every day in many different places ,
such
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 as coffee shops or libraries.
Finally
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, a wide range of
students
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 prefer studying at
home
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 because they feel more comfortable.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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 suffer from social anxiety. Studying at
home
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 helps them feel better.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some of the
students
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 like to study at the schools or the universities.
First,
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students
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 will get the best opportunity for their future lives.
As a result
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, they will have a wonderful social life.
Second,
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students
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 can overcome social anxiety by communicating with others.
Students
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 will get to meet new
people
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 and make new friends.
For instance
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, they will learn new cultures and meet new
people
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 from all around the world.
Finally
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, studying in schools and universities will have effects on their lives in a positive way.
Students
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 will participate in different activities and learn new skills.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 will help them in their future jobs.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is clear to see the difference between studying at
home
Use synonyms
 and going to
school
Use synonyms
 or
university
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I believe that studying in universities and schools is much better.

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task response
You discuss both ways of study and give your own view in the end. To make your answer stronger, say more clearly why school or university is better for you. For example, explain how a teacher, class work, and face-to-face talk can help students learn.
task response
Some main ideas need more support. “Students will get the best opportunity for their future lives” is too general. Say what the opportunity is, such as meeting teachers, doing group work, or taking part in work practice.
task response
Your examples are useful, but some are not very close to the main point. The example of coffee shops and libraries does not show why online study is better. Use one clear example for each main idea and explain its result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow. Improve the first paragraph by giving both views in a more direct way and adding your own view there.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has several ideas. This can make the order feel rushed. Use one main idea in each paragraph, then explain it and give an example. For example, one paragraph can be about time and money, and another can be about comfort and social fear.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You often use “First”, “Second”, “Finally”, and “Furthermore”, which helps, but the links can sound repeated. Also, make sure the link fits the meaning. “For example” should introduce a real example, not a new main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as “students”, “study”, and “home” too often. You can sometimes use “they”, “online learning”, or “this way of learning” to make the writing flow better.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain online study, study at school or university, and your own opinion.
task response
You give clear reasons for online study, such as saving time and money, watching lessons again, and feeling more at ease at home.
coherence and cohesion
The two sides are clearly separated with “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly states your view that studying at schools and universities is better.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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